"Mommy! Mommy!"

There is nothing like hearing your child call your name. When I heard children call for their parents before mine were born, I simply thought of this as communication, noise, demands, etc.

I remember waiting for Justin to first call me Mommy. I was so excited to hear him form those letters into sound, the sound into meaning... so excited to hear his want for me turn to sound from his initiative.

Of course it's not so cute at 2:00 in the morning when you're really wanting him to be sleeping... but anyway...

Tonight as I was nursing Nathan before putting him to bed, I could hear an overtired and virus-ridden Justin calling for "Mommy!" as Daddy was putting him to bed. Usually Doug is the one putting him to bed and Justin loves this time with his Daddy. But tonight he wanted Mommy. And tonight he happened to be going to bed the exact same time I was taken with Nathan.

I found myself wanting to hurry Nathan along so I could go meet Justin's request. But of course this just doesn't work so well. Nathan had to finish when he was ready to finish. And I definitely wanted him to eat until he was satisfied and not once again be placed second to Justin's louder demands. Nathan's needs are so innocent and simple at this point. When Justin was his age, nothing kept me from meeting every one of them. I so wish I could give Nathan that undivided attention. But then again, I so wish I could hurry little Nathan along to run to Justin.

As time ensues, the "Mommy! Mommy!" will only get louder, as Nathan learns to chime in with Justin someday. And then, Lord willing, perhaps another birdy will join the nest and chirp their "Mommy! Mommy!" as well.

And I'll feel torn, and I'll hurt that I can't be with each of them. And I'll love their little crystal clear voices, love feeling their neediness pointed to me in this way, love their childish love of me, love knowing them so well, love being able to meet some of their needs simply with my presence.

And I'll be reminded as I am today that as a human I can only meet their needs to a small degree. And thankful that I don't have to carry the weight of trying to meet needs I can't meet. And grateful that I can lean on One who has my boys in the palm of His hand-- in ways that far exceed what my lap and shoulder can do for them. Grateful I'm in the palm of That Hand as well.

Oh it's such a short season where my boys' want for me is so raw. Someday way too soon, they'll be bored of the simple love I can give, and they'll be chasing after other "lovers"-- buddies, sports, cars, etc. Once again, Lord, help me soak this love up! This is fruit that no one deserves, a gracious and lavish gift... that keeps on giving. Especially if one keeps having children!

Maybe later.
;)