Nathan had his 9- month well check-up yesterday and we discovered he's lost over 3 lbs since his last visit almost 3 months ago. Naturally, I was devastated. Somehow his weight loss had alluded me. There are a lot of things I don't feel good at during this stage of my life, but I've always felt successful at being attentive to my children. Well, there goes that one! So now I'm steeped in Mommy-guilt and heart break... I can't believe I couldn't tell my child was in a state of constant hunger. Oddly enough, he's not been acting overly fussy, sleeping differently, none of that. Feeling hungry must have become his new "normal." I so badly want him to know that I love him and want nothing more than for him to feel full and satisfied right now!
Apparently my milk supply has decreased significantly. Nathan has always been a fast nurser; I probably should not have been assuming he was "done" whenever he popped off and glanced at me. And all those times I've popped him off in order to chase his brother have come back to haunt me as well... as supply is based upon demand.
In an effort to increase my milk supply and let the Lord pull me out of my "pit of despair" (reminding me of the oft-quoted phrase with my college roommate Kara- back when we thought we had problems!), I've declared it "Nursapalooza!" around here. I'm nursing Nathan several more times a day, I'm offering him both sides twice, and I'm never popping him off-- even his comfort sucking will be good to stimulate supply and might bring on another let-down.
Nathan loves "Nursapalooza!" and as you might imagine, their Daddy does too. Unfortunately, his big brother doesn't appreciate that he's been dragged to the "Nursapalooza!" festival without his consent. Spoiling Nathan right now means leaving Justin out, and that is hard. I'm doing the best I can and trying to be content in the process. Mommy-guilt, be gone!
I'd appreciate your love and cheers during all the concerted effort at "Nursapalooza!"-- our one familied-festival! Whatever your background is... single, no kids, kids fed on formula, kids breastfed for the short haul, kids breastfed for the long haul, kids fed food early, kids fed food late, and everything else in between... bring on the lovin'!
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5 comments:
Sweet friend-- Your love and devotion to the kiddies is unmistakable, so don't let the accuser have his way, ok sweets?
I am cheering for you-- and praying that you too will be filled and satisfied by this time, and that Nathan will put on some poundage and the milk will keep coming. And that somehow, Justin in his little spirit will feel this drawing together of the family to this effort for a time, and accept the changes that makes for you all.
May the Nourisher of us all feed your spirit richly as you nurse your little one.
Cheering you on from across the Pond.
Wishing I could drop in for a day of Flaherty lovin'.
i enjoyed talking to you today, friend. hang in there! you are a wonderful, terrific, caring, attentive mom. i will pray for lots and lots of milk, good snuggle time, and understanding.
Take care of yourself. You are doing the best thing for your child. I wish I could have given my children the gift of nursing.
I hope you feel better soon. The "pit of despair" comment made me smile. We did all think problems with boys and grades were devestating. If we only knew.
BTW, I mentioned you on my blog today. :)
Here's to a quick and healthy weight gain. My 23 pound nine month old could maybe take some lessons from Nathan. ;)
Rachel,
If Nathan was truly going hungry, trust me - he would let you know. Now yes, if you would have nursed him like [insert cliche' of choice], yes he may have gained weight. But just because he lost 3 pounds recently doesn't mean he went hungry all the time.
I think you are being way too hard on yourself. Keep your head up.
Brett Welborn
Mt. Pleasant, SC
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