Friday, April 27, 2007

It took an old CD and a Pound Cake

to get me in the mood to write again. Like my dear friend, I too feel like I need to reintroduce myself after this long retreat. "Hi audience of 3 and lurkers, Rachel here-- husband of my sweetie and 2 dear sons, very very very part-time campus minister, etc. etc.etc.!"

I've been appropriately sidetracked by important things like my cousin's diagnosis and the VA Tech shootings. I've also chosen to dive into some less noble but still important items around here like spending some good time with my precious Doug (well, that would be noble time-spending, actually), cooking, organizing, and even some early-to-bed nights. Wanting to write has been far down on the list, which has resulted in some writer's block when the desire has hit. Anyway, here I am...

Things have gotten a little wild at chez Flaherty. Tonight I dove into a hobby from my "old life" B.K. (before kids)... baking. I even switched the cd in my portable cd player! I think Jack Johnson's In Between Dreams has been living there for at least 6 months. I pulled out my "old" Sixpence's Divine Discontent and was taken to another world. I'm not certain what was a greater gift, the act of daydreaming itself or the other worlds to which I was taken. I don't have the space for daydreaming much these days, so I was so grateful for the ways these two physical elements drew me into the metagination- my new word of the day. And by it I mean... a place to which I could travel in my head... a place of memories of the past, a place of creating in the present/future.

I was drawn to remember two dear friends with whom I spent much time when I first owned the cd. Interesting how music can do that to you. Memories of long conservations at coffee shops, on campus couches, and even in my humid basement vividly suctioned to my mind.

One was an intern I was training at the time and the other was a student I was discipling. Both now are amazing women on staff, both have huge and exciting things going on right now in their lives. Both live at far enough distance I can't spend the time I long to spend with them while they have these exciting things going on... so it was a nourishing to spend quality time with them in my head- if I can call it as such. According to this song, "If I were a Painter", Nora Jones says I can! I love you Allison and Karen! It was great to see you on this night.

And then I was pulled to the world of creating. Maybe it was the creating of the pound cake that brought my mind and heart to a place of wanting to create more. Flour, sugar, nutmeg, vanilla & almond flavoring, butter, milk, eggs... apart they are not so great, really. Together they make something beautiful and really tasty.

I've been longing for deeper Bible study in my life. Maybe it's my ministry background, maybe it's my vocation- which takes less and less time these days. Maybe it's the raw fact that I'm rarely in It myself these days.

Maybe it's my longing for the Scriptures that never seems to get met in the "Bible studies" I find myself in that are more about fellowship and sharing--- totally important things and nourishing in and of themselves, to be sure. But they often leave my love for the Scriptures unrequited.

Being ministry-minded is a blessing and a curse. I can't sit in my longing for long before I start wondering--- "maybe I should do something about this." So I began to create...

So the creating I did in my head while Leigh Nash was singing and my mixer was spinning was a Bible study that looked at parents in the Scriptures. Abraham and Isaac came to mind. And folks in the Gospels that brought their wounded children to Jesus. And even Jesus' teaches about leaving and hating your father and mother. I found myself longing to sit in these Stories with my woman friends and longing to be met as a Mommy and as a daughter by the Creator of all little and big stories.

It felt good. Anyone want to join me? Apart we are not so great, really. Together, we could make something beautiful and really tasty. Bring your paint brush and let's go!

3 comments:

TwoSquareMeals said...

Ahhh, Rach...I have been having those moments of going back, too. Not in the bad way that I used to do it, but in a way that is looking for the me that was more in love with God, more excited about scriptures, more involved in ministry. I don't know that I will ever settle into mommyhood as my only calling/ministry as some women are able to do. There is too much else out there that I want to do. So I put in EFO (or the Beatles or Indigo Girls), order a new pair of Birkenstocks online, and transport myself to a rock in the middle of the creek at Jones Gap, journaling and getting to know my Creator.

I miss those days...the tugging of little hands and the cries of "mamamamama" are so immediate that I wonder how to connect this busy world to that slower one. Funny that I am more settled now than I EVER have been in my life and yet less able to rest. I miss the old me sometimes. (But I promise I won't run away to find her.)

And I wish you lived closer so we could do that Bible study together. I'm serious. Do it, write about it, and maybe I will get to interact and comment a bit...

Rachel said...

i can so relate... i love how you put it, "more settled now than ever yet less able to rest." it's a wierd paradox- can totally relate. i never knew how distracting children, husband, housework, etc. could be when i finally really could have the chance to sit with the Lord in His Word/pray/ponder/etc..
i'll let you know if we can maybe "paint" together! love you friend and appreciate your thoughtfulness as always.

Anonymous said...

Well written article.