A Post for Nathan

You're my second child. My second son.

Second in birth order.
Your big brother preceded you by 18 months. A lifetime of age difference now; a blink of an eye in 18 years.

Second to receive my attention.
Today your brother stood up on a chair- again for the umpteenth time. At the same time, you had pushed yourself backwards... gotten yourself stuck under a chair. I left you in your desperate condition to give your brother some unwanted feedback before I returned to rescue you. Such is the reality of the second child.

Second in our experience in parenting.
This can be a good thing and a bad thing... I think I'll let this topic be another post for another day!


But you share first place to receive our love as our child.
I wondered if I could love another as much as your big brother. You proved that notion wrong the moment we first met at your birth. I stood holding you... dumbfounded; it was as if I didn't think the pregnancy and labor process would actually lead to a real baby this time. Hormones, emotions, and physical fatigue taking over this mama, I cried and asked, "How am I going to take care of another child?!" I was struck by the reality of your preciousness , your unique createdness, the gift you were to our family, your neediness of all of us in order to help ground you in this great big world. I wanted you to know-- every minute-- how much you are loved and to always feel secure in that love. In that moment, I realized how important you were and how incapable I was of loving you like you deserve and of meeting all of your needs.


I was once again overwhelmed by the love parents have for their children. And thankfully needy and aware I could love you Not in my own strength. Just as you needed me to rescue you from underneath the chair, I needed and need the Lord to rescue me- the dreadfully lacking parent- from my needy position every moment of every day. I need Him to give me the strength and ability to love you. I need Him to love you through me.

Thankfully, the Lord has come and enabled us to love you. And He continues to offer restoration and forgiveness when we push Him away and don't love you well. He always comes back, just as we commit to always coming back to you. He's helping us verb-love you and not just adjective-love you, which was so automatic from the beginning.

By the way, your big brother Justin adores you. At times he feels threatened by your increasing interest in toys first owned by him; sorry about that. We're working on that. Hopefully you're soaking in the moments when he takes your toys to you! But I can also see his enjoyment and love of you. Today found him copying your new talent by scooting backwards on the floor right alongside you. You were both so happy next to each other. When you awake from sleep, he immediately exclaims, "Hi Baby!" and rushes in your room to greet you in your bed. If he's the first in his car seat, he asks, "Baby?" and makes sure we didn't forget you... (this is actually a very helpful reminder.) I love watching you respond to him with gut-wrenching laughter. It blesses me to no end to see your interactions and love for each other deepen. I pray that your relationship will always be as close as your genetic composition.

Today we shared a moment together. You awoke early from a nap and were obviously still tired. As I lay you on the couch, you quietly watched the movement of trees in the wind outside. Already tired and wooed in by your content and quiet spirit, I joined you on that couch. You sucked your thumb and stared into my eyes as you drifted off to sleep.

We were closer than close. I loved that rare uninterrupted time together. I loved staring at your beautiful face, your plump forearms, your twitching little lips. I loved smelling your baby breath. When I awoke, I found my drool on your shoulder.

It was then that I remembered a very important Truth. This side of heaven, all great things come to an end at some point. Even though one can make lemons into lemonade, that lemonade eventually spills, gets sticky, even rots.

There I was, enjoying our shared nap, but confronted by my ever-growing need to relieve myself of the day's beverages. My shoulder and arm had unfortunately joined our slumber and were tingly and increasingly sore to the point of pain. And I had to put aside the fear of awaking you to relieve my own needs.

I had to peel our skin apart as I gracefully arose in an attempt to not awake you. Thankfully, you stayed asleep; this lemon only turned to lemonade today... the rotting largely postponed until a later date.

As I met my personal needs, I gratefully considered my love for you and our special moment together.

Nathan, this Sunday we baptize you. We formally and publicly welcome you into our Church family. We mark you with water, reflecting our hope that the Lord would indeed continue to be faithful to our family by pursuing you into relationship with Him as you grow as a boy and someday even as a man. Sometimes sweet as honey and usually as sour as lemons, we, your Mommy and Daddy, stand before our church family and ask them to help us raise you unto the Lord.

We love you so much Nathan and are so thankful the Lord has graced us with the gift that you are!!