Making Room for More

Art in the Family

2008-02-13T18:22:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone. I'm breaking my blog silence (ever so briefly) to invite you to check out Doug's new craft. It seems that he just couldn't put the hammer and nail down after our house was finished. He found himself creating art with function in our little corner of the world. Check it out!

And if I could add another shameless family plug, look here for the boys' newly displayed art around our home. Fun! Fun!

Purging

2008-02-06T10:21:00.000-08:00

Earlier this week I felt like a collage. A collage of pasta, milk jug tops, cut up construction paper, and pipe cleaners. (Can you tell I have toddler art on the brain?)

A collage of to-do lists, of reflecting, of a feeling of something unsettling. I couldn't put my finger on how I was feeling, much less figure out what was causing it. So, I just felt like a messy collage walking around in this Mommy body.

Rather suddenly, a light has turned on in my mind and heart. As I've been able to see through the fog, I now want to purge a few areas of my life. This Mommy collage is too cluttered... so like an early spring cleaning (what's that?), I'm throwing out some extras that are clouding my view of and connections in this world.

One flipping of the switch was this post... one blogger's exit from the blogosphere and why. Thanks to Sara for the recommendation. By the way, I didn't love everything she said, her last sentence was particularly annoying, just to get my 2 cents in. However, I recommend that you read it... not that I'm trying to get everyone to quit... but just to listen to her challenging words. I most appreciated what she said about looking your kids in the eye when they "interrupt" you while you're online, her tendency to get bogged down by the good stuff, how less is better, and how she found herself googling instead of praying. I would add to that notion that a huge added bonus to less internet for me is to start using my thoughts and questions as excuses to move closer in relationship with a person whom I know happens to be an expert on the subject.

While talking to Doug about this last night, we discussed how we've forgotten how to really wait. We're in a culture where everything arrives on a silver platter (or whatever kind of platter that you so desire) in 2 hours or less. For me, I think living part of my life in the internet world has fed this impatient tendency in me. It used to be that a letter was written, the recipient received it months later, and so on. I'm not one to think all was better in the "good ole days," but I do think I can learn something here. I have gotten so used to quick responses and quick information-finding, to my detriment.

And I even find myself sharing about my blogging conversations with my flesh-and-blood friends... like they really care, you know?

Now that the light is on, I'm more aware of how often I tend to check for comments- both on my blogs and others I read, how often I find myself making an observation/having an insightful thought and then first crafting the next post in my mind instead of praying/sharing with a friend/further personal reflection, or actually putting the idea into practice. I've just gotten all out of wack. (I guess I simply need some more wack in my life!)

Like the above blogger shared, there is a wealth of wonderful information online, but I'm at the point where it feels more paralyzing then helpful. I don't need more information, I need more time to chew on and live out the information already in my head.

I'm ready to spend less time staring at a computer screen and more time cuddling up next to my husband with my knitting needles, a good book (what's that?) or magazine, or a good conversation. Sitting on my couch last night, I stared awhile at the pleasant view that is our den. I enjoyed the family pictures, the kids' books, Doug's newly made coat racks, and especially Justin's and Nathan's newly hung art work. (I was going to do a post on that one too, but you'll just have to ask me more about that in person if that interests you!) I look forward to enjoying the view under this roof even more.

A dear friend recently made this decision. It's funny, at the time, I thought I was nowhere near leaving. I had all kinds of ideas of new posts, of even adding labels to past posts, etc. She shared of feeling "lighter," and honestly, inwardly I thought, "that's nice." But now that I'm at this place, I could use that same word to describe the glimpse of what I'm seeing in my future as well. That sentence probably sounded hokey- allow me to clarify. I'm catching a vision for how my life could look different than it does currently and I really really like it. It includes a less racey mind, a more patient heart, diving into some hobbies that have gotten pushed away, and generally living in a more restful, more present way.

Is this it, forever?? I'm not ready to make that kind of decision. For now, I'm simply going to make myself stay away for a month or so and then reevaluate. I trust that the Lord will give me wisdom at that point whether to return with more boundaries or to stay away longer, or forever. What I'll miss the most is connecting with my friends who live far away, especially those overseas. I just might have to keep checking in with you all from time to time. But I find some immediate comfort knowing most of you are coming home "soon" anyway!

Thanks for enjoying this part of my life with me... and thanks for sharing your's with me as well! Blessings to all of you!

Chocolate Giveaway

2008-02-02T10:18:00.001-08:00

Need I say more?

Toddler Art

2008-02-02T04:44:00.001-08:00

Hi friends, I don't have it in me for a regular post today, but wanted to at least mention something for your interest. Have you checked out Jean's blog Artful Parent yet? Now would be a great time! She's hosting a book giveaway about toddlers and art, written by her favorite author on the subject.

I really enjoy Jean's blog. Recent topics I've particularly enjoyed are When Will My Child Begin to Draw Realistic Images?, Jean's Top 10 Art Materials for Toddlers, Fine Art for Kids' Rooms?, and of course all the posts that feature pictures or art of my boys.

The Gospel and the Environment, Part II

2008-01-30T18:07:00.000-08:00

Having offered a brief critique of aspects of the green movement, I want to be clear that I am not chastising the entire movement. Rather, I have been chastised by it! These 2 posts are an attempt for me to communicate, and as a verbal processer, even better understand my own thinking on this journey from apathetic exploiter to steward.

I have not been moved by a simple desire to conform to the current culture, nor by the discovery of an 11th commandment, but by a deep conviction that the good-news that Jesus proclaimed offers real hope, even a better hope (than a simply pragmatic "let's do it because it's better for us in the long term" approach) to our relationship with the physical world.

This conviction starts with the reality that the ecological crisis we face today (even apart from global climate change) results almost exclusively from human ignorance and greedy exploitation. It is clear that our minds and ultimately our hearts have been the problem. In Pollution and the Death of Man, Francis Schaeffer succinctly states that in treating the land properly we have to make choices in 2 areas: time and money. I know that my heart is inclined to always try to do more in less time and with less money. Earth friendly practices usually require more than I am willing to give.

From a Biblical perspective, this directly results from The Fall and our broken relationship with our Creator. He created us and tasked us with the stewardship of the physical world. When Adam and Eve disobeyed the one command God had given them, they not only experienced brokenness in their relationship with their Maker, but also in every relationship, including their relationship to the physical world. Whether you take Genesis 1- 3 to be historical narrative or not, the themes conveyed are clear: We were made to walk in perfect communion with God, one another and the created world. Our self-centered disobedience broke that communion.

The good-news of Jesus is that he is restoring the relationships that have been broken by the fall. By dealing directly with the effects of our self-centered disobedience, he restores us to a right relationship with our Creator. In doing that, he unites all his followers into one body and brings them into right relationships...loving and truthful relationships with one other. And what has the most bearing in this discussion is that once we've been brought into a right relationship with our Creator, we can be in right relationship to the physical world that he made.

Again, Schaeffer is helpful here when he describes that people in proper relationship to their Creator have ceased trying to exalt themselves over the creation. From a Biblical perspective, we are unlike the rest of creation in that we alone, of all the creatures, have been made in God's image and are thus able to relate to Him in a personal way. But from that same Biblical perspective, we are also like the rest of creation in that we too are created and are not God. This has helped me think about my connection to the trees and the birds in our yard. They are in one sense my brothers and sisters, for like them, I have been created.

But I am not simply a part of the creation. I am also created in God's image. That is why dominion and stewardship are given to us. We can have a relationship with our Creator, and as we know Him, we can properly exercise stewardship and dominion over His creation. Lynn White, in the article i referenced in the last post, justifiably points out that the Church historically has not exercised proper stewardship, but has tended to exploit (a self-centered dominion) the physical world. Unfortunately, we as followers of Christ do not always properly know our God or His call on our lives.

This was my story for the first 13 years of my life as a Christian. I was ignorant of the negative influence my decissions had upon the environment around me. I viewed calls to eco-conscious living with suspicion and even contempt, erroneously thinking that it was just an agenda to get Democrats elected or a "misplaced" desire to save the world. (I have since stopped listening to the Republican pundits and paying more attention to the value in both parties.) Those were my surface reasons. But underneath, I just didn't want to take the time or spend the money. Part of me still doesn't. Life seems easier if we just do what is convenient. Only in the last couple years, as i've interacted more with the green movement, have I begun to realize that the environment is something that I should care about because I care about the Creator.

It's crystal clear now. I mentioned at the top of this post that my desire to live a more environmentally friendly life doesn't come from a new 11th commandment. It actually comes from the one about loving God. John Stott, in The Care of Creation, says "God intends...our care of the creation to reflect our love for the Creator." This is what i mean by having a transcendent ethic for green living. Pragmatism eventually breaks down because we need a reason bigger than ourselves to live for something besides ourselves. Being rightly related to the Creator, and caring for the physical world as His creation provides the "meaningful underpinning" Missy referred to in a recent comment. All created things have intrinsic value because God made them. So now, myself and my family are taking small steps.

We are beginning to made decisions that we think would honor the Creator. We recycle more consistently, not primarily to preserve the earth for ourselves or our grandchildren, but because we live before the Creator who calls us to honor him by caring for His creation. We are planting a vegetable garden this summer. I want to grow and care for these vegetables in eco-friendly ways in part because I think that is better for my family, but largely because that garden belongs to God, not me.

Think of it like this. If a good friend of yours asks you to house-sit their mansion on the hill, would you finger paint the walls, dump your trash in their dining room, shit in the bathtub, and burn their couches in the fireplace because they produce a nice green flame? If you didn't like the person, you probably would. If you didn't really know the person, you might. But because you love the person and know they love you, you wouldn't dream of it. God has called us to "house-sit" his creation. And since Christ has restored us to a right relationship with him, one where we love Him because He first loved us, we want to care well for his creation.

That is the hope that I believe the gospel uniquely provides. It doesn't just give good reasons to take care of the creation. It doesn't tell me that it's better for me, or my children or my country. It doesn't tell me to do it so that God will love me. It tells me how to be forgiven and to experience the love God already has for me. It restores me to a relationship with my Creator and it's that relationship that changes my heart and motivates me to care for His creation.

A Brief Aside

2008-01-28T18:04:00.000-08:00

Okay, so prompted by several comments, i wanted to mention an idea I've been chewing on. Like Amy and Missy, I've been more aware of the amount of waste we produce. We recycle, as do most folks on our street and that's wonderful. But everyone of us fills up the large city issue trash cans each week.

I think that if there were no landfill, and each person had to keep their garbage on their own property (much like it would've been in the not too distant past) we would all be a lot more sensitive about the waste we produce. But as it is now, I'm basically throwing my trash into someone else's backyard. Out of sight, out of mind.

Practically speaking, i think landfills are a necessity. I just don't see any practical way around them. But I think the city could do a better job of making us aware of the impact of our waste. They can't make me keep it in my back yard, but they can hit me in my wallet. We already pay a flat fee for trash removal. Why not charge us per pound of trash? The city already uses a mechanical arm to lift the trash into the truck. I don't think it would be too hard to add a mechanism to weigh the refuse and a computer to track the address.

Now, I'm generally not for motivating people in this manner. In fact it's a little self-centered and pragmatic. I would prefer that my heart be persuaded more by faith and conviction than by a little greed. But when we talk about instituting policies that govern a society, I'm all for a little prudent manipulation.

Think about it. If you new you could reduce your trash bill $10 a month by composting, recycling more and by buying products that used less packaging, wouldn't you?
I find it hard to believe that such a simple idea hasn't been proposed and even implemented in other communities. Please tell me if it has and how it has fared.

Still working on Part II

The Gospel and the Environment, Part I

2008-01-26T10:01:00.000-08:00

My dear wife introduced me to you a few weeks ago. I've been hiding ever since and have finished this blog post after an appropriate bribe, and in a desire to prepare for a panel discussion I'll be participating in this coming Thursday.

Over the last 5 years, we've grown to appreciate the passions of our city and university. Some we do not want to share, but many are passions we are growing to appreciate and even embrace. One in particular is eco-conscious living. In the midst of a country that has gone green, it has been hard to not breathe in the purified air.

While we have been motivated largely by a growing conviction that we are stewards of the physical world, I have begun to ask 2 questions in particular about this green brigade we seem to be joining.

Are there assumptions and motivations that the popular eco-conscious movement is based upon that I as a follower of Christ cannot stand upon?

And secondly: Does the Gospel offer a better paradigm from which to address the brokenness of the physical world? This question has stemmed from a larger journey in which I've developed the conviction that the gospel offers real hope for all people, communities and systems that are marred by sin.

In this post, I want to address the first question and examine the assumptions and motivations under girding the popular green movement. I do so from a humble beginning though, acknowledging that I as a follower of Christ stand with sap on my hands. I, who believe that my Father in Heaven created the world and called us to steward it for His glory, have turned a deaf ear for too long to the cries of those who could see our physical world being exploited and neglected. I am thankful that the Lord has seen fit to rebuke me through a movement that doesn't necessarily believe in Him. I also need to state that i recognize that there is justifiable blame to lay at the feet of the Church over the last Milena for the current ecological crisis.
For more on this, read the article The Historical Roots of our Ecological Crisis by Lynn White.

I'm going to stay away from examining the reality of the crisis. There is still much debate about the degree to which humans are creating global climate change. It's a healthy debate that I am keenly interested in. But it has no bearing on this discussion for there are many ecological "crises" that exist independently of global climate change and therefore deserve our attention.

First, i am wary of the way in which eco-consciousness has become a form of Self-Righteousness. I've heard of too many conversations about green-living devolve into comparisons aimed at proving one's merit. "How often did you ride your bike to work this month?" "I even rinsed off the aluminum foil and recycled it." And then there is the Ford Escape commercial where the girl is ashamed to go to a party with her dad and his gas guzzling SUV. But wait...it's not...it's a hybrid. Now this peer-conscious-teen feels okay about being seen in her dad's car. Commercials are certainly not the definitive word on our motivations, but ad agencies aren't paid to be idiots...they know what people want. We want to be seen as eco-conscious. It's become the way to sell groceries, clothes, cars and homes. I'm not faulting the green practices of the product makers, but rather this appeal to a desire that "My ass be always greener than the other guy's."

Lord knows that we, His followers don't need to add another form of self-righteousness to our significant collection.

Now, I want to take a moment to mention carbon offset companies such as TerraPass. The general idea is that this company helps you calculate your carbon footprint and balance it out through the purchase of verified carbon offsets (which is basically money that funds carbon reduction research). Intriguing idea, and I'm glad the money goes to research. But think with me about this for a minute. When I decide that I can't (or don't want to) reduce my carbon footprint any further, I buy a terra pass carbon offset so that I can fund efforts to reduce carbon emissions. I allow myself to indulge in my current lifestyle by giving money to this program. Does that sound like modern day Indulgences to anyone else? Am I being a tad harsh? Some people will not use the carbon offset programs in that manner. But many will b/c it's easier to throw money at this than change one's lifestyle. Unless you're poor. What if you don't have the money to buy a carbon offset? In many ways this sounds like a means to easing the conscience of wealthier Americans who are greener in theory than in practice.

I am not doggin' the idea of funding research. But I'm struck by the more subtle reality that this is a conscience-easing-tonic for many who are choosing to not reduce their carbon footprint further. This observation has caused me to turn the same eye to my heart and examine where I've substituted trade-offs for true obedience and creation care.

Finally, I want to speak briefly to the fundamental ethic behind much of the environmental movement today. "Why should we take care of the planet?" What response would you give? What response do you most frequently hear? The most common answer I hear is that one enjoys the world and wants to preserve it for that enjoyment, or that one wants to preserve it for another's enjoyment (usually their children's children).

I'm not a philosopher, but it seems to me that this ethic is a self-centered utilitarianism. Do I hear a "so what?" out there. Well, I hear one from myself. However, I am becoming convinced though that the problem is with the lack of real transcendence. I believe that for an ethic to remain, it must transcend human desire...be rooted to something outside of ourselves. What happens if what I enjoy becomes a real problem for someone else? What if I can preserve what I and later generations would enjoy while still exploiting other parts of the created order? What would make that wrong?

Many recognize the weakness of this foundation and so argue for a combined effort between science and religion to combat global climate change. While I do not agree with the content of his argument, E.O. Wilson illustrates this approach in his book, The Creation - An Appeal to Save Life on Earth. One long-standing synthesis of these 2 is a pantheistic approach to environmental care...a belief that all things are sacred because god, or the universal spirit is in all things. While this view does provide a transcendent ethic, it is not compatible with Jesus' teaching about the nature of God and the physical world.

So, as a follower of Christ, i am learning from those of various ideologies who have blazed the trail before me, but i do so with a self-examining eye. I want to take real responsibility as a steward and walk humbly before my Creator, not in self-righteousness and not simply for how it benefits me. My next post will look more at the hope that the gospel offers for a physical world marred by sin.

Proud Mama

2008-01-24T19:05:00.001-08:00

Check out Justin's first "published" art!! We're proud over here and can't wait to hang it up in the house.

What Do Girly Time, Birth Control, and Family Vision Have in Common?

2008-01-22T19:34:00.000-08:00

Do you need some more girly time in your life?
I do! Missy and I are trying to decide between the liquor store and the pawn shop so that we can have said getaway. (I linked her, showing I'm a little in denial that she's leaving the blog world.) Want to join us? Where should we go?

Birth Control. Want to hear the Catholics and the Protestants dook it out? No, seriously. Over here, you'll see a frank but very gracious conversation as we all bring our questions and thoughts to the table. Stop by and leave yours.

And lastly, I am very intrigued and excited about the possibility of creating a Family Vision Statement, as exampled here by a dear friend. I'm thankful he published his. Maybe we'll get to this after we marinate all the raw chicken I bought on sale, catch up on scrap booking, reply to some important emails from dear friends who have been buried in my inbox, catch up on sleep, etc.etc.etc.

So, after I wrote all of this, I realize now that these 3 subjects do- in actuality- relate... how interesting...

Let It Give You Chills Again

2008-01-21T04:44:00.000-08:00

I pray these words will never become trite in my heart and mind.

I'm honored to have a brother in my Church heritage that would love Jesus enough to love his neighbor in such full, sacrificial, generous, real, Biblical, and challenging ways.

His neighbor was me and my family, which is so convicting.

But I don't stay immersed in the guilt. I let him give me hope for love... love horizontally on this earth and love vertically back and forth from Heaven. Let's allow his words to give us hope once again.

Considering Birth in America

2008-01-18T18:18:00.000-08:00

Today I had the opportunity to see the film The Business of Being Born. It's a documentary of birth in America, produced by Ricki Lake. After some negative experiences during the birth of her first child, she began to ask lots of questions about birth and the culture of birth in America. Her research led her to "do birth" completely differently with her second child as well as to create this documentary... in the hopes of bringing to the surface these questions and challenge the status quo of birth in America. This documentary is a history of birth in our country, a collage of birth stories, interviews with obs/midwives/advocates/etc., statistics that make you think, and much more.

This film left me mourning, considering, celebrating.

I mourn that my own grandmother had an experience much like the women I learned about in the 40's. She gave birth to my mother alone (fathers such as my grandfather, a pediatrician by the way, were not allowed in the room with the mothers). She was tied to her bed... now I realize this procedure was probably done in order to "keep women and staff safe" during their encounters with drug induced Twilight Sleep. She was confused, afraid, unable to remember what was happening to her, dehumanized. During her labor experience, my grandmother was often told by the nurses to shut up if she were screaming. "Recovery" included weeks of lying flat on her back... a couple in the hospital and several out. It's a wonder anyone had more than one child and survived all the issues initiated by such an experience. I hurt for her and other women who had no other choice but to experience birth in this way.

I consider... in 50 years, what are the harmful aspects of the current birth system that will bring more such aforementioned mourning? What are the pieces of it that we have bought into as a society, the pieces our eyes are too dulled to see? What are the pieces of it that I have bought into? Lord willing, Doug and I will someday get to add to our family. How might we alter our birth choices to better suit our desires and the well being of our baby and of me?

And thankfully, I also celebrate. I celebrate that our God created women to be able to participate in one of the most glorious events ever imagined, birthing children into this world. I'm thankful that God has graced me to be one of them. I celebrate our sons and the beautiful aspects of both Justin's and Nathan's births. I thank God for the ways that those births were transformative for the intimacy I get to share with my husband.

Hair Thoughts and Introducing

2008-01-11T19:09:00.001-08:00

This is really tempting me right now. Maybe it's because I'm due a haircut. Maybe it's because I could wear all those really cute scarves and headbands. Maybe it's because I'm drawn to the philosophy. Are you tempted at all?

---------------------------------------------------------------

And introducing a guest poster...
I have invited my dear husband Doug to share with us some grass he's been chewing on the past couple months. We're blessed to work for an organization that greatly values continued learning... so he's had the opportunity to read about and ponder our stewardship of Creation from a variety of sources. Check back in the coming days for his debut post... and welcome him in his virgin blog post!

Eating Cheaply and Healthily

2008-01-09T18:35:00.000-08:00

We are always trying to come up with new ways to eat more healthy and more cheaply. Towards that end, I just found a gold mine of blog posts about this topic. Check out this blog post and then follow the links and then follow the links from there... you can go on forever! I'm excited to sit down and really consider lots of these ideas. Those posts run laps around my following dinky ideas.

Here are some ways we save money at the grocery store:

We play the Grocery Game. Using this service, today I bought Smuckers Jelly for .30, Pam Olive Oil Cooking Spray for .80, and 1 lb of fresh Tyson boneless skinless chicken breasts for .98, Russell Stover Private Reserve dark chocolate for.50 (a girl's gotta splurge), and Peter Pan Peanut Butter 18 oz for free. The GG philosophy is to load up on food items when they are at their lowest price, never buy at regular price unless you have to, etc. This service costs about $1.25/week and they match coupons with local sales. It's not a perfect system but we've saved lots of money and learned a lot about shopping cheaply. And I only have to shop at one store, the grocery store down the street.

Doug dug (I just had to type that) out a space for our new garden. We plan to plant yellow squash, zucchini squash, tomatoes, cucumbers, bell peppers, melons, lettuce, carrots, and probably some herbs. We plan to save lots of money at the store during harvest time... and I plan to freeze and (learn how to) can so we can benefit from the harvest for months to come. This summer, I'll get back to you about how cost effective this was.

The only beverages we buy are milk (albeit it organic for the boys) and orange juice... of which we only drink a small amount with breakfast. Oh yeah, and we do splurge on free trade organic coffee and the occasional bottle of wine. We don't purchase any other juices or sodas.

We try to reserve desserts for really yummy homemade ones and go without at other times.

We sold our 3rd son in order to purchase a Vita Mix (sorry we hadn't mentioned him to you; we didn't want you to bond with each other). We've more than gotten our money back on making Nathan's baby food alone... not to mention all the smoothies, soups, chopping, etc. Instead getting back our 3rd son with the money, we're reinvesting in seeds for the new garden.

The last few months, we've cut eating out down to a family trip to Chic Filet or for a pizza once/month. If Doug and I go out on a date (we mostly "date" at home these days because we're lazy, it's more comfy, it's easier with the kids, and cheaper), we just make it a coffee and dessert or wine/hors devours time.

I've stopped buying convenient snack food like granola bars. I used to think I "needed" those things around for those busy, hungry moments. How ridiculous... if I'm that hungry, then maybe I should take the time to make something more substantial. But actually, I can probably simply wait for the next meal.

We try to eat meat at dinner only 4ish times/week. Other meals, we have meals that include eggs or beans.

We invested in a separate freezer last year so that we can stock pile items when they were at their lowest cost... like meat, veggies, virtually anything really. I've adopted the thought "if I'm going to take the time to cook, then I'm going to cook a lot!" If I decide to make my banana bread, I make 4 loaves and throw them in the freezer. I do the same with large quantities of soup, chili, cake, pies, etc. I'm slowly that you can freeze virtually anything. When we have a busy afternoon or hit a season when we're all sick and we don't feel like cooking, I can run to the freezer to save the day and not run out for a quick (and expensive and unhealthy) meal.

It takes more time and energy to save money at the grocery store... but I get motivated so that our family can eat more healthily, eat more enjoyably, spend that money on other more important things, give more money away, and save more money.

I would love to hear what you do to help save money in the food department!

A Big Boy

2008-01-07T18:45:00.000-08:00

Today was a really big day in our home. Today Justin transitioned from crib to big boy bed. I feel quite full of that teary type of joy.

A little background... we just returned from a trip see my mom "aka Beep Beep" while Doug was at a conference. Beep Beep often rides on a train to visit my brother in northern Virginia. Justin gets very excited about any form of transportation... so he often asks to ride with her one day. Beep Beep would reply "when you're bigger, you can ride the train with me." And Justin would reply "I'm getting bigger soon!"

Meanwhile, Beep Beep's city decided to build a whole commuter train system. She planned a trip on the train downtown for lunch during our visit. While approaching the train Justin exclaimed, "I'm a big boy now!"... connecting riding a train with being a big boy... even though we were referring to the big Amtrak kind of train.. but anyway, we went with it. "You are a big boy!"

Justin loves his crib in many ways. It's literally hard to get him out of it in the morning and after nap time... he loves it. Whenever we brought up the idea of a big boy bed, he would say that he liked his bed. All along we had surmised we would wait until he was closer to 3- just a few months from now- for this transition for so many reasons. However, because of his high amount of crib attachment, we figured we should strike while the iron was hot.

With much conversation and excitement, our family traversed on foot to the very local bed and furniture store- literally 2 blocks away. It was worth the extra $30 we spent for this romantic experience in our neighborhood. With Nathan in my ergo and Justin at the front of our little group, we entered the store. When Mr. Fred, the owner, approached us, Justin told him himself that he needed a big boy bed (just the mattress and bunky board, really). Thus started my day with that teary kind of joy.

We made a huge tado about it... well, it IS a big deal ya know!? When we returned, Justin helped Doug put his bed together... Doug with his real screws and screwdriver, Justin with his. We talked about how the mattress came from Mr. Fred the bed man and how the frame was given to us from his big boy cousin Tyler. Knowing this bed was Tyler's made it even more exciting.

He had his last nap in his crib this afternoon, where he actually slept today. Afterwards, we brought in his new bed. We added his new car sheets and the other finishing touches. We had our family time, played some more, read some more. I read him his books and sang him Jesus Loves Me just like always... except tonight for the first time ever, he sang with me through both times! What a sweet little gift. I put him down with head on his pillow and he asked me to pull up his sheet. (He's never had any sheet or blanket or pillow in his crib... just his little blankies and animals... so there were many new things.) He then said, "I'm all tucked in now!"

Doug reminded me later how he's been pretending that little experience from seeing our bed and pillows and from books. I told him how proud I was of him for being in a big boy bed and how much I loved him and that I would see him tomorrow morning when the sun came up. He said he'd see me then too. And then he calmly said, "I'm in my big boy bed" several times. He was so proud of himself and so was I. I left the room with my heart full... full of that teary kind of joy that happens for us mamas at these huge occasions in our babies' lives.

Reflections on Our Christmas

2007-12-31T18:21:00.000-08:00

A Little Background

Admittedly, I'm not a big holiday person. I tend to get a bit annoyed by all the hype of every holiday. Everyone seems to get in such a tizzy... only to get expectations unmet. Now that we have children, we've been forced to rethink how we celebrate and not celebrate holidays. My first thought was to just leave out all the annoying things and leave in the few things we do like. My focus was more to push aspects away then to actually have much of a plan of what we would do.

Thanks to Two Square's posts on Advent, Doug and I started rethinking our vision of the Christmas season back in late November. Looking back, I realize how negative I had been to the whole Christmas thing. While we had a few of our own traditions in place, I mostly wanted it just breeze by. I tend to be the kind of person who enjoys being surprised by the fabulous moments hidden in the ordinary every day ones. That's a good thing I want to hold onto... but I also want to better embrace the special moments that can come amidst the special holidays and seasons throughout the year. I don't want to "throw the baby out with the bath water," so to speak.

Reflecting on this Year's Advent and Christmas

All that to say, as we near the end of our Christmas celebrating, I'm deeply thankful to proclaim that my vision of Christmas has been redeemed. In this post, I want to share some choices we made which, for us, led to so many sweet moments in our family. I also want to start a Christmas scrapbook- idea first gained from this lovely friend- to record all that we're learning and experiencing together as a family! I never before cared about such a thing. We end our time together so refreshed and so thankful!

Disclaimer

So I will start here... this might be a bit long. I admit this post might be more for our family than for you or yours. I cherish this blog space as one to reflect and remember. For some reason I'm more apt to write here than in a journal... anyone else like that out there? And at the outset, I want to explain that while I want to write about what we did and why... in no way do I want to preach it as the best way for you or your family. We are absolutely still learning and next year might end up looking a bit differently. Lord, may no self-righteousness fall into these lines. Amen? Amen. Okay, let's get started.

The start of our Advent was much later than we anticipated. A horrible virus befell this home and had us out for the count, one by one, for close to 3 weeks. In some ways, I'm thankful it turned out this way. Ten days of Advent was a good first trial run for us... and it was good to not feel bound by a certain length. Although next year, we hope to try it a bit longer.

Last disclaimer... I came up with none of these ideas alone. Only a few of them are linked, but all of them I stole from somewhere. In that tradition, feel free to steal any of these yourself.

Here are a few things we did:

We were given the Fisher Price Nativity Set which we set up on a low table and let the kids play with. Nathan simply chewed on the characters and clunked them on the floor; Justin enjoyed holding each of them and beginning to play out parts of the Christmas story on his own. It was a big hit with both boys in their own ways.

We bought a second Nativity Set (with which we didn't allow play) to set up in the middle of our dining table. Every morning during Advent, we added another character of the Nativity. Justin really got into the anticipation of who/what would be there each morning. AND it gave us fodder for our Advent time each evening.

Also each morning, we cut a link in a homemade paper chain. Each link had a line to the Christmas story. (Doug wrote the story in ten lines... the same number of days we celebrated Advent.) We read the story to Justin, which usually corresponded somehow to the new character added in the nativity scene. We talked about it briefly and then taped it to a cabinet near our dining table. Each morning, we read the links already opened and then the new one for that day. The theory is that by Christmas, the kids will have the Christmas story learned. Justin didn't have it memorized, but it helped him be more and more aware of the various characters and pieces of the plot. The paper chain added another element of anticipation and was another activity we could participate in together as a family.

At mealtimes, we lit candles to make it feel a bit more special. We told Justin we were lighting candles because of Advent- special time, to help us prepare for Christmas, Jesus' birth day.

At dinnertime, we gathered all the Christmas pictures of friends and family we had received that day and prayed for them briefly. This idea is yet another one that I stole from a family at our church. Adding another anticipation element, we all looked forward to the pictures we would receive from the mailman each day... how many and who they were. It was encouraging to pray together as a family for all those special people. This practice got us praying, blessed the prayed-for ones, helped get our eyes on others during Christmas, and was a little link in the chain to help teach Justin how to pray. We then hung them on a picture hanger on a wall near the dining table.

For Advent time each evening, we sat on the couch together (just before bedtime, pj's on, blankies in hand-- which helped everyone settle) and BRIEFLY talked about the new thing on the table. We asked Justin what was new, then we talked about one simple fact about that thing. For instance, when we added Mary, we talked about how she was thankful to God for having her carry His Son Jesus in her belly. We then read a few pages of a children's Christmas book to highlight Mary. We then prayed very briefly about that. I made a very simple ornament of each night's focus... just copied a simple drawing I found in a book... and then we helped Justin hang it on the tree. (Note: The bulk of our other Christmas decorations and ornaments were already hung on our tree, which we bought, set up, and decorated at the beginning of December.)

Just before Christmas day, I had Justin do some simple "art projects," chalk and markers on paper, that I made into simple Christmas cards for neighbors. Justin and I delivered them... it was a fun and simple (no baking required!) way to connect with our neighbors, for Justin to be involved in caring for others, etc.

So to recap a typical Advent day... in the morning we put out a new piece of the nativity scene we had on the table. We cut a link in the Christmas story paper chain, read all the opened chain links, and then taped the newest link to a cabinet for visibility. At dinnertime, we prayed for the people for whom we received Christmas pictures that day. In the evening, we talked again about the new element of the nativity scene on the table, read a few pages from a Christmas story that related to the other parts of the day, and hung the newest ornament onto the tree... and we talked and prayed briefly about all of that.

Evaluation of our Advent Time
Advent time became a very special time for our family. It helped Doug and I by helping us reread and think through the Christmas story. We enjoyed the chance to talk and relearn the story and its truths. It was helpful to our own faith to be forced to explain these truths in simple ways. It was precious to see Justin get so excited about that time... as simple as it was.

Another thing I was struck by was how kid-friendly the Christmas story actually is. I know that might sound silly, but think about it... the star, all the animals, the long travelling everyone did, the presents, a Baby, etc. There really are many things kids can connect with and enjoy in this Story. Seeing anew through Justin's eyes helped Doug and me realize once again how special It is. And because of all these elements interesting to kids, it is really not hard to peak their interest.

Are there other Advent practices you especially enjoyed incorporating into your family? What did you do and how did it benefit your family?

Christmas Eve/ Day

Christmas Eve, we read some Scripture from the Christmas story... which was special and also ended up being hilarious. Doug and I exchanged the bulk of our presents Christmas Eve after the boys were in bed so that we could have our own little intimate time. We sipped on homemade apple cider- a previously held tradition of ours and had quiet time for Doug and me.

On Christmas morning, we presented Justin with the full nativity scene, which he was so stoked about. We cut the last link in the paper chain and read all our links. We made a chocolate pie (I used that recipe except I used real whipped cream- of course!), added candles to it, and sang Happy Birthday to Jesus. We were all pretty excited to eat chocolate pie for dessert after breakfast. We then made Christmas cards for each other (another previously held tradition in our family)... very simple but fun. Then, we proceeded to the den where we opened the gifts and the stockings.

We had downplayed the whole present-thing through all of Advent, so Justin didn't wake up Christmas morning knowing we would open presents... that's why we were able to some other things before present-opening. However, I know as he gets older he will certainly pick up on this sooner. I'm not sure if we'll do this part differently or not in the future.

We limited ourselves to buying 3 smallish presents for the boys (+ a few small stocking stuffers)... in the tradition of the wise men's bringing 3 presents to Jesus. Another tradition that we stole, this was definitely more of an accountability for us. If I had the money, I would be tempted to buy the world for the boys. I don't have the money, but I would probably find a way to spend more than would be good for them or for our wallet. This limit was good for us... on Christmas morning, I had totally forgotten the other gifts I wanted to buy for them. And the boys of course were so content with their $7 car carrier and other small presents... and oh, all that wrapping paper. We talked about how we give gifts both because that was the wise men's response to Jesus's birth and also because God gave us the best gift of all by sending Jesus.

So Brett, to answer your question about how we balanced the Santa part of Christmas with the real Christmas story... the answer is that we didn't. We aren't crazy about a lot of the traditions surrounding Santa, so we just skipped them. It seemed too hard to us to have 2 different things going on that seemed to us so opposing. However, many people I respect practice the Santa traditions, so I would welcome them to comment on how they've been able to maintain that balance during their Christmas celebrations. This book might touch on this topic... but I haven't read it so I'm not sure.

Family Christmas Time
Advent time spilled into "Family Christmas Time," which started on Christmas day... where we continued to talk about Jesus, now focusing on celebrating, thanking God for the Gospel, and talking about the implications in our daily life- for instance, being thankful to God now for sending Jesus because He loves us, loving our neighbor, etc. We kept all our Christmas decorations up for a week after Christmas to help us all remember that we were still celebrating Christmas... drawing from the tradition of the "Twelve Days of Christmas."
I would love to hear ways you and/or your family celebrated Christmas together that were especially meaningful.

Regular Family Worship Time
We had not previously been doing any "family worship" or prayer time together, mostly because we really didn't know how to do that or if it was really necessary. Knowing our children are growing up in a ministry-as-vocation family, we wanted to be sensitive to the fact that they are around ministry a lot. We didn't want to stuff spiritual stuff down their throats. However, now we are realizing that it's our students who are involved in ministry, our children aren't directly a part of that... and aren't benefiting except by having fun at gatherings with our students occasionally. We now have vision for the importance of living out our spiritual lives as a family, not just as individuals. And there are ways to do that without stuffing it down their throats. We're excited to share with them really good news about who God is and what He has done/is doing for us. Practicing Advent and "Family Christmas Time" gave us a framework of how that time can look on a regular basis. Having to practice looking at one story in Scripture gave us the confidence and vision to look at others with our family. And it gave us fodder to draw from throughout the day when other things came up that reminded us of the Story. If you do some sort of "Family Worship" on a regular basis, we would love to hear what you do and how you do it.

Children's Christmas Books
We also invested in some children's Christmas books for the kids at the outset of the season.

One Shining Star: A Christmas Counting Book is a simple, fun book that focuses on all the characters of the Christmas story through counting... we recommend it for the youngest members of your bunch.

My First Story of Christmas was our favorite... a great simple story with all the important elements of the Christmas story, and well illustrated.

This is the Stable is a sing-songy well-written depiction of the Christmas. We appreciated that the characters were all nonwhite. It was a little lacking the emphasis on Jesus... so while we recommend it, we would also recommend having others to balance it.

Away in a Manger is a tiny board book with the famous song... a fun way to sing together. It's very cheap and we recommend it.

Both Missy and Two Square have recommended The Advent Book that we'll likely invest in next Christmas.

We would love to invest in more children's' Christmas books... do you have any recommendations?

Adult/Family Advent/Christmas Books
These are Advent/Christmas books we invested in for us:

Before and After Christmas has a Scripture verse, reflection, and family activity for each day of Advent and Christmas. While we didn't use this book verbatim, It helped us think of various ways to break up the Christmas story, symbols to focus on, etc. Many of the reflections were secular in nature and seemed a bit irrelevant to us to the Christmas story. Also, many of the family activities were for older children. However, we're thankful we invested in this book as it's full of ideas from which we can draw for years.

Jesse Tree Devotions This is another family Advent activity book. On the order of the "Jesse Tree" tradition (newly learned by us this year), each day has a reflection of an Old Testament person in the line of Jesse who was David's father - and therefore in the line of Jesus, or another significant story in the Old Testament that leads to the coming of the Messiah. The last few entries have people from the New Testament that relate to the Christmas story. Each day has a paper ornament of various symbols for kids to color and a paper "Jesse Tree" to glue it on. It seemed like a great way to pull all of Scripture together and a great family activity to do, another year. All the prophecy seemed a bit too complicated to translate to a toddler, so we saved it for another year. If anyone has used the Jesse Tree tradition with preschoolers, we'd love to hear how you kept it simple.

Watch for the Light: Readings for Advent and Christmas includes lots of essays from various theologians and writers... some were amazing and some were very average. Does anyone have any adult reflection-type book on the Nativity they would recommend?

Thoughts for next year
I think we'll likely do the same things- focusing on different aspects of the nativity each day in various ways... maybe starting a little sooner- assuming we don't come down with awful viruses again next year! I found a very cheap and small Christmas wreathe at an after-Christmas sale. I think I'll use that for an Advent wreath either on our dining table or on the counter nearby. Two Square has a paragraph about this tradition here. If I get inspired with the creative bug, I also might make an Advent calendar like this really cool one. I also would like to include more Christmas songs/hymns into our preparations. Does anyone have any suggestions for Christmas song books or websites and how to include them in our Advent/Christmas practices? This post on Marshall's blog and the string of comments that accompanies it has a great list of Christmas Cd's. We'll use this to enlarge our Christmas CD collection next year.

Okay, I need to end this horrendously long post. Free blogger will probably send me a bill. Feel free to comment with further thoughts, answers to the above embedded questions, or further questions of your own.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Checking In

2007-12-27T12:35:00.000-08:00

Several of my faithful commenters and lurkers have asked for more from MakingRoomForMore... so here are a few bullets from the last week or so.... lots of jumbled up thoughts and no good writing. But here you go...

We've been generally having quiet family time around here... as quiet as time can be with a 2 1/2 year old and a 1 yr old... and 2 talkative parents (we can't blame all the noise on the kids). I haven't been in the mood for blog-writing... just in the mood for being around home and in reading many of your blogs. We've enjoyed some bits of time with extended family last weekend and this weekend... and are also thankful we've had this week mostly to ourselves. We've loved the freedom to try out some new things and do them our way.

We infused lots of Advent practices into our Christmas experience... mostly thanks to TwoSquare for bringing up the topic. I'll do a post on that another day- if I'm in the mood and if there is interest. For now, suffice it to say for now that we really enjoyed/are still enjoying preparing and celebrating Christmas over the course of many weeks.

Christmas Eve night, we were talking about how Mary was thankful when God told her she would have God's son Jesus in her belly... Mary's being thankful was something Justin grabbed hold of the last few weeks. Doug explained how he was going to read "Mary's Magnificat..." (however you spell that) or Mary's Song. He started reading it... and Justin asked Doug to sing it since it was a song- a reasonable request. The next few minutes were hilarious. Precious Doug wanted to take Justin's request seriously and sing this VERY long song that has no tune that we know of, of course- it was a bit painful for him. I was laughing hard and trying not to wet myself, and trying not to let Justin know of my laughter.

Christmas day, Doug threw the Frisbee accidentally into Justin's face. Justin became scared of Doug and ran away, hiding behind my car! I comforted him and tried to explain that it was an accident, that Daddy didn't mean to hit him in the face with the Frisbee, but he wouldn't have any of it. Thankfully, he's moved on!

Nathan has decided the last few days that it's fun and curious to pull up in his bed... but when he gets there he gets really scared apparently, not knowing what to do with himself. He erupts in heavy crying. He did this several times throughout last night. We go in to comfort him and put him back down, only to have the situation repeated. Oh the fun. During the day, he has been the easy going guy, loving to play on his own and enjoying exploring all the toys. He's been into kissing lately... and we're all loving it. He's also gotten really fast and sly at poking Justin's eyes. He seems to come out of nowhere and nails him... getting Justin back for all the knocking over!

For those of you who receive our newsletters (all or most of you?) and read of my mishap with Doug's present... here's an update. I commissioned a friend/former student to do a drawing of Doug's favorite Christmas hymn, O Come O Come Emmanuel for his main Christmas present. I was very excited about it and this amazing artist finished it a couple weeks ago. Just before I was to pick it up, I realized his favorite song was really O Holy Night and was disgusted at my mistake... only to learn on Christmas Eve- when Doug and I exchanged our presents, that O Come O Come IS his favorite song after all... O Holy Night is a Close Second. So all is well after all!

Doug and I (he's off this week) have also been getting lots of house projects done. He's been itching to create... so he's been building a really cool frame out of old barn wood for his new drawing (above) and constructing a new coat rack out of that same old barn wood and a bunch of antique door knobs, casters, etc. Many afternoons, if you were to peer into our backyard, you'd see Justin with his tools spread out on his very own "work table..." copying the precise movements of his Daddy at his own work table. It's been so preciously cute! At this very moment, they are digging out a section of the backyard in preparation for Doug's newest project- a garden. Covered in dirt and sweat, I'm not sure which one is feeling more at home.

I've been in the organizing mode... cleaning out junk drawers (I think we have about 5 of those!) and the like. Today I just printed out my new free 2008 calendar for my Notebook.

Okay, I think I'll close up this random post. Happy celebrating, everyone!

My Mom is Coming

2007-12-10T10:49:00.001-08:00

She'll leap through the door with smile, with giggle, with vision for the day, with energy of 500 acrobats, with new trucks for the boys, with dark chocolate m&m's.

My mom is coming.

Soon the counters will be cleared of dishes full of uneaten food.

My mom is coming.

The dishwasher will be emptied and refilled to the brim.

My mom is coming.

Fever-reducing medicines will be consolidated. Mail will be sorted. Late bills will be located. Bags of dirty diapers hurled to the outside can.

My mom is coming.

Jackets, trash, used tissues, water bottles, toys will be removed from my kitchen counters. Puzzle pieces will be reunited from under the entertainment center.

My mom is coming.

Diapers will be changed more quickly, the boys' rooms will be swept of dust balls.

My mom is coming.

The boys will be happier by her Teflon presence. They'll laugh more, cry less, their noses will probably even respond by drying up.

My mom is coming.

I'll get a nap, a cooked meal, hear about how I did this to her during days of old.

My mom is coming.

I'll run around less, sit more, get frustrated less, laugh more.

My mom is coming.

My mom is coming, my mom is coming, my mom is coming!!

The Attractiveness of Living in My Own Whiny Head

2007-12-06T09:52:00.000-08:00

I was inspired by dear friend Diane to take a few minutes of the grace of a dual nap time to write a bit of my mommy struggles today.

Like Diane shared in her post, I too am having a stretch of circumstancially crummy days. The boys collectively have had colds, snotty noses and eyes (lovely), croup, sleepless nights, sleepless naps, fussiness beyond measure, etc. We've watched more videos in this house the past 2 days then the last 6 months combined. And I'm paying the price with more fussiness.

There have been moments when I have risen to the occasion. With a heart full of compassion, I have embraced these sweet, tired, pitiful, and sickly boys. I've soaked in the snuggles, knowing these needy-Mommy moments won't last forever. I've sprinted to them in the middle of the night to assure the confused minds and wipe their salty tears. Moments when I've said "yes" to them more than I've said "no."

And there are the ugly moments. There are the moments when I'm more focused on myself and how they have ruined my plan for the day. Moments when I think of all the things I haven't been able to get done. Moments when I hang their disobedience in shame over their heads, not letting it go instantaneously as Christ does for me. When I speak to them with harsh tone and words.

And so, as nap time is once again interrupted with the coughs of a little boy, and now both, I realize that I'm at the end of my Mommy rope. My ability to serve unselfishly and with compassion is no longer here. It is now that I realize I've been serving with my own strength and not asking for and relying on the Lord for that ability to love these precious boys through me. I can repent of putting myself first, making an idol of my own comfort. I can ask the Lord to forgive and receive that never-ending forgiveness. I can choose to believe Him... and ask for Him to come and be the Lover through me.

So, why don't I? What is so attractive to me about staying in whiny, ME mode? Why don't I run towards the One who assures me time and time again that He is really present, really caring, really Sovereign, really unconditional in the giving of His love and strength?

The Brothers' Love

2007-11-27T10:55:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I was chatting with Justin about how someday he might have more brothers and/or sisters (not preggers right now, just making conversation with my toddler). It went something like this:

me "Justin, isn't it so fun and special to have Nathan as your brother?"

Justin "Yeah."

me "Someday, you might have another brother or sister. Wouldn't that be great?"

Justin "Yeah. (insert concerned, thoughtful look) Would Nathan still be here then, too?"

Sweet Justin was only excited about the possibility of future sibling(s) if Nathan was included in the mix. I guess he thought I meant we'd have another sibling, as in... trade out Nathan for another baby. Oh, the sad thought!

These boys keep falling in love with each other more and more and I'm so grateful. They bless each other just by being in each others' lives.

Book Giveaway

2007-11-26T10:10:00.000-08:00

Three posts in 2 days... I know, not like me. But wanted you guys to have the chance to get a free book.

TwoSquareMeals is hosting a book giveaway for Advent. We just ordered the book last week per her recommendation, so we can't apply for the drawing- ahh shucks. More chances for you to win! She's giving this book away... so if you'd like to try for it, simply post a comment on this post... make sure you provide her with your email address if it's not already on your blog, if you have one. She's drawing them out of a hat. Maybe you'll win the book!

Thanks for being generous with something that blessed you, TwoSquare!

And if you haven't checked it out yet, TwoSquare has a great blog... her posts have a variety of topics... Mommy issues, social justice, spiritual parenting issues, humorous/endearing memories with her kids, music, literature, and more. We used to be in a mentoring relationship... so I wish I could take the credit for all that she knows and does. However, she is yet another example of how the teacher has become the student. Most of my favorite mentoring relationships have turned upside down like that!

Hope one of you wins the book!

For Bod or Bust (or Pecks)... Post Thanksgiving Edition

2007-11-26T05:40:00.000-08:00

Hi friends!
So how are you doing with your goals?! I have to say I'm pretty proud of myself... considering it was Thanksgiving! I didn't overeat, I exercised (ran with a little more distance than the previous week) almost every day. I enjoyed an amazing across-the-sky rainbow here before we left and gorgeous farm/mountain views at my in-laws. However, I did no abs... it's a bit difficult to do those outside of your own home, ya know?! How are the rest of you doing?

This week's Bod or Bust (or Pecks) award goes to my Aunt Betsy... for losing 40lbs+ last year doing Weight Watchers and for sending us a yummy (and healthy) dessert recipe last week. Congratulations, Betsy! Thanks for joining us! Your award is a large pumpkin... I'll toss it to you now, get your hands ready!

Traveling with Children

2007-11-25T05:31:00.001-08:00

Hi friends!
On this morning after our return Thanksgiving travels, I want to share some humorous wisdom received from my friend Kelly. It is wisdom in regards to traveling with children, and as I sip my cup of coffee and squint through my foggy eyes, I'm brought to laughter with its perspective. For those of you also (enjoying) travelling with your little ones over the holidays, hopefully it'll do the same for you.

"Travel with kids is an adventure, not a vacation. Really, it's like childbirth. In the middle of it, you think, "I will NEVER repeat this experience," but then the memories fade and you even look forward to it next time around."

Thanks for sharing Kelly! Hope you don't have to get up 10 times tonight and that you get some sleep soon!

We travelled to my in-laws and had a good time. Justin started falling apart Friday... the missed sleep and over stimulation catching up with him. Doug and I started falling apart at the same time... for the same reasons I presume. Nathan sleeps in our room when we travel. And he loves to moan and talk throughout the night. He's the loudest sleeper on the planet, we're sure. We do look forward to their sharing a room someday, but we're convinced we'll have to don Justin some ear plugs in order to weather Nathan's noise.

Doug's auntie and family live down the street from our in-laws and we spend some time with them as well. Think farm country, lots of cows, slower pace, etc. When I called Aunt Moira (and the rest of her 9-person family) to make our visiting plans, she said, "The only thing we have this morning is skinning and butchering the dear we just received from some friends. This afternoon we have some friends (family of 7 + pregnant mama) coming over, but they can't come until they receive their hay delivery." Hmmmm, interesting. Words I would never use to describe my day! It's always fun and insightful to be around folks who live in different worlds then we!

Happy post-Thanksgiving, everyone!

For Bod or Bust (or Pecks) Continued

2007-11-18T16:45:00.001-08:00

In this eve-week of Thanksgiving, how are ya? As we head into the eating/visiting with family frenzy, I'm wanting to remember to enjoy myself, try a little of everything, stop when I'm full, and take every advantage of going for walks and playing outside with family.

We have a couple new folks joining our healthy venture: Melanie- all the way from Thailand... making our group truly international since Laura is in too. Welcome!

Our "tip of the week" comes via another newbie Katie P... check this out to map out distances for walking and running... tres fun, mon amie! Thanks!

Marshall has had a great week, running his longest distance EVER- 5.85 miles! Marshall qualifies for the first ever MakingRoomForMore Pecks of the Week Award. Congratulations, Marshall! Keep a look out for your free Dunder Mifflin Anti-Nipple Chafing Cream, coming soon!

The last half of the week, I slacked off in the walking/running department. Doing okay in the eating department though. How are all of you doing with your goals??

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Multi-Tasking

2007-11-14T18:15:00.000-08:00

I've always considered myself a multi-tasker... but after becoming a mommy, my multi-tasking has reached a whole new level. Tonight after the boys were in bed, I found myself:

doing a load of laundry
sipping a glass of red wine
listening to the quiet hums of the boys' monitors as they drifted off to sleep
listening to Poetry Speaks to Children on CD- thanks to Nina's recommendation
emptying cooked, pureed, and frozen raisins and dried apricots out of ice cube trays for Nathan's baby food
cooking green beans in the microwave
dreaming up my next blog post
imagining spending my 6th anniversary with my sweetie in February

Yes, all at the same time. These are the moments I think I am really amazing. I mean, when will the next Nobel Peace price go to a parent, I ask you?
What are some of your favorite multi-tasking moments?? Do share! I can't grant you to Nobel, but I can grant you public access for the rest of the world, via being read here on the www!

For Bod or Bust (or Pecks)

2007-11-12T11:59:00.000-08:00

Thanks for embarking on my winter wellness challenge!! "Winter Wellness Challenge" speaks of the meaning of what we're doing but sounds a bit dorky. So today I've come up with a better title of our little venture... "For Bod or Bust (or Pecks)"... it has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?! Pecks were added because our little community is co-ed by nature (or nurture?).

Here's how it will work. The beginning of every week, I'll post with our new little title as the subject so you'll get your cue. I'll post my successes and confessions. You chime in and comment on yours as well. Hopefully, commenting to each other at the beginning of each week about the last week will help remind us to get on track for the coming week. We'll continue this through the winter months or as long as it is helpful. If others would like to chime in, feel free... just be sure to let us know your goals as well. For the 6 of us, let us know in your comments if you've written something about it on your blog so we can read. I've put my successes and failures at the bottom of this post... so feel free to get started and add yours in a comment to this post. Let me know if you have any questions or suggestions for better ways to make this work. Thanks for joining with me! I look forward to hearing how your last week has been!

Here are the takers:
Two Square Meals
Marshall at Joy in the Margins
Diane at SleeplessinGreensboro
my Doug (blogless)
Laura
Laura is in Honduras and can't easily post a comment because she has limited bandwidth down there. I'm not totally sure what that means, but I do like saying the word "bandwidth." Maybe we'll name our 3rd born "Bandwidth." (don't worry... there's no 3rd yet.) Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

Summary of our Goals
Two Square Meals: I need more exercise, more water, and fewer sweets.

Marsh: I plan on running 3 X's a week, followed by sit ups and push ups (gotta get ripped), and I am contemplating training for the marathon that is planned for Gso in May.

Diane: I'm trying to snack on better options-have more fruit available, etc. So, I would love to maintain a healthy diet, exercise 3 X a week with some ab and other toning exercises at least 2 X a week.

Doug: I'm gonna do push ups and sit ups 3 times a week, increasing each week. I'll even try to get Justin to lay on my legs for sit ups and back for push ups.

Laura: The one thing that is lacking is an ab workout. I am going to try to work out my abdominal muscles regularly. (Check out Laura's web page- linked above- for more info on all the exercise she gets naturally, living where she lives.)

Me: walk/run for 20-30minutes 3-4 times/week.do some sort of ab workout a couple times/week.during nap time, reduce my large snack to a small snack.say "no" to after dinner snacking, most nights.try to eat slowly, paying attention to when I'm full... decreasing my portion sizes as appropriate. try to focus on eating more fruits and veggies, cut out some cheese and crackers, save the dessert-urges for really good homemade ones... stop wasting them on candy corn and the like. continue to drink lots of water.

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My successes: I've walked/run every other day ever since last Sunday... so 5x! I've gradually decreased my walking distance and added running distance. I've felt great! And I totally rock because it's been COLD when I leave at 7:15am... last Thursday it was 24 degrees when I left! I'm still only gone for about 20 minutes which is ridiculously short. So this week I want to work on increasing to 30 minutes. I've also done some ab work 3 of those days. Generally done better eating, but
Confession time: I had a few extra handfuls of candy corn and ate 5 pieces of pizza yesterday! And I need to drink more water... would help the headache I have right now!

Knit Happens

2007-11-10T18:37:00.000-08:00

I've had the knitting bug for a couple months. Was it the crisp evenings creeping into my den? Was it the desire to create, the need to make something with a starting point and a finishing point with my own two hands? I think it was a combination of the two, along with the urge to do something fun for myself that didn't directly meet anyone else's needs in my family. Just for me.

Last week I hauled up my knitting box from the basement... uncovering piles of yarn, my favorite knitting book Stitch 'N Bitch (from which I lifted the title of this post), and my beloved needles.

You see, all these elements of knitting are beloved to me because of their sentimentality. I picked up the craft for a road trip my husband and I took just over 3 years ago. I hypothesized that I would need something to do for all those miles. Our road trip took us from here in the Blue Ridge Mountains all the way to Banff, Canada. My memories include balancing my book on my lap and knitting scarves for all the women in our families for Christmas presents... all the while thankful for all the straight, flat roads which kept car sickness at bay! Doug and I figure I drove about 2 hours that ENTIRE 2-way road trip... all ~5,000 miles. I was happy creating and clicking with my needles... so proud of all my new, little creations. Doug was content keeping the wheel straight and pointing out all the hawks off the side of the road. It was such a special time for us... completely uninterrupted on the roads and in the woods in both Banff and Glacier National Parks... only to our sharing more of our history, observing the gorgeous settings, wondering about the communities we traversed, and dreaming of our future. It was during that trip that our Justin was conceived, unbeknown to us at the time. And in the backdrop of all these memories is yarn.

"What am I making?," you might ask. Well, I started and stopped several things in the last week. Originally, I was determined to knit with my leftover yarn. But today I decided I needed a new skein of yarn in a new color. What I was wanting to make just wasn't clicking with the available choices. And as any knitter knows, it is no fun to knit if you aren't excited about your yarn. So I headed over to a discount craft store- I'm no yarn snob... synthetics are preferred around here. And with my new-very delectable- yarn, I returned to start something new. And you'll have to wait and see (or read) once I'm finished recreating this small nook of the world.

For now, just picture my cute little knitting bag, made for me by a dear friend who first inspired me. It hangs on our little Doug-made coat rack by the front door... with antique wood casters and hooks and door knobs. Amidst the cars and trucks and music shakers and Dr Seuss books and balls... the bag brightens the room and reminds in thankfulness of an earlier time in my story that helped bring me to where we are today. And I imagine it will beckon me to itself in the coming days... massaging my own hands and mind, for every knitter knows... Knitting is a ministry for both the one who receives the finished product and the knitter herself. I'm in need of some knitting ministry. So with open hands, I put myself at the feet of the yarn and the One who first Created in the first place.

WHO'S WITH ME????

2007-11-08T12:01:00.000-08:00

I'm finally motivated. Not only have I invested in new running/walking shoes, but I've also walked/ran 3 times this week... and I've managed to say "no thank you" to Doug's offer to share his cheese and cracker snack, most nights. I'm still receiving small glasses of red wine upon availability.

Since we moved in this house, I have not exercised beyond taking care of the boys. This summer, it was too blasted hot. And with my milk supply issues, I felt like I needed to focus on staying hydrated for sweet Nathan... who by the way weighed in at 24lbs 4oz at his 12 mth well checkup yesterday!! I'm not sure if I can totally trust the accuracy of the scales, but I think it's safe to say that he's gotten his weight back!

He's my only legitimate excuse. The other one is my illegitimate excuse: laziness.

I'm now in the process of weaning Nathan, so I can no longer use him as an excuse... and I'm excited in general to feel more in shape. After just a couple days of walking/running, I found myself bouncing on and off the floor with more jump in my step. I just felt better. I really did. I'm excited now to feel stronger, more toned, etc.

So here's my little plan:
walk/run for 20-30minutes 3-4 times/week.
do some sort of ab workout a couple times/week.
during nap time, reduce my large snack to a small snack.
say "no" to after dinner snacking, most nights.
try to eat slowly, paying attention to when I'm full... decreasing my portion sizes as appropriate.
try to focus on eating more fruits and veggies, cut out some cheese and crackers, save the dessert-urges for really good homemade ones... stop wasting them on candy corn and the like.
continue to drink lots of water.

Maybe just maybe I'll sign up for a 10k in the area in the early spring as an added incentive, but I don't want to rock the house too much just yet. I'll start with the above plan and see how I do.

I hope I will then:
fit in my clothes better
feel stronger and have more energy for life with my boys and men.
just generally feel more healthy.

Notice I do not have a "goal weight." I'm actually not sure how much I weigh right now. And I largely don't care too much about numbers. But I know my muscle tone is in the negative. My days of a six pack are surely over, which I'm totally fine with... gaining 2 precious boys was certainly worth the trade. But I would like to feel more toned and lose my mushiness. If I could just lose those love handles that I feel shaking when I run (lovely image, huh?!), I'll be so content.

I'm thinking this would be much more fun to do "in community." So, WHO'S WITH ME? Post your goals as a comment on this post OR link us to your blog and post your goals there. If there is interest, then I'll post how I'm doing with my plan roughly weekly. Maybe I'll even get creative and post some inspiring information about nutrition and exercise. Come on you fellow mush-pots... I've talked to many of you about nutrition and exercise and know that you struggle with this too! Let's get stronger and more healthy for ourselves and for our families! Let's treat our sexy bods with a bit more respect as children created by an amazing God! Are ya with me??

A Post For Nathan On His First Birthday

2007-10-30T16:48:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday! to my sweet Nathan. As your name means, you have certainly been a gift to us. An unexpectedly expected one.

I had a son already. I loved having a son and loved Justin in particular- so dearly... so I was elated to discover we were having another boy.

So I think this was the mindset I was under... totally excited, but totally not ready to be blown away, again.

There I stood, after a short and intense labor, holding you in the tub... surrounded by your Daddy, our doula, our doc, and a confused nurse. My jaw was dropped, my eyes frozen in a "deer caught in headlights" kind of look. They were all so excited and were encouraging me to look at you. I'd take a quick glance but then look back at them in disbelief. I pushed you out- or you pushed yourself out is probably more accurate for how it felt- quicker than I expected. And I had no idea I would be overwhelmed by love for a child, again.

I expected you, but I did not expect to feel so shocked, so in love, again.

Today marks your one year anniversary. Day after day, I have experienced the unexpected gift that you are. Without realizing it, I ponder that I've seen this or that stage of development before... but then you get there and it blows me away, again. As your own sweet, unique personality emerges, I enjoy you at each step and I learn to receive you as your own person.

I love how you shyly smile and hide in my shoulder when someone says hi to you. I love that the 2 of us, we share a battle story of all the ups and downs that have come in our nursing relationship... we both fought for the opportunity to continue to be nurtured by each other and have experienced victory and grace upon grace. I love that your big brother copies you more than you copy him... that you have a special way of getting in your own little world that begs the curiosity and entrance of even your older brother. I love how you dive into our lap when you want to hide in us and cuddle. I love seeing your eyes peek through your open fingers as you play peek-a-boo. And although you are a very early riser, I love that you greet me with an enormous wave as I peer over you in your bed.

In every way you are a gift of unexpectedly expected grace to us, Nathan. We adore you and receive you with open arms, again and again. Happy birthday, our precious son!

A Moment with a 'Shroom

2007-10-29T10:21:00.001-07:00

It happened so fast. We were outside in the backyard. Nathan sat on a towel with a pile of toys to peruse, while Justin pulled out his riding toys. I was outside with them on the phone. A friend/alumni came over for dinner. She played with Justin while I finished my conversation. As I hung up, I noticed a wet, chewed up piece of white mushroom next to Nathan.

I rushed him inside and briefly looked for one of the hundred Poison Control magnets I've received and subsequently lost since embarking on parenthood. I gave up and called 911. The dispatcher transferred me to Poison Control and summarized my situation to their representative. Little did I know that we would be on the phone with her several more times over the next 24 hours. She walked us through the process of inducing Nathan to vomit with ipecac... as well as caring for him in general- what symptoms to look for, etc. By the way, we had to call a couple pharmacies to find it... so it might be worth grabbing a $3.99 bottle to have on hand in case of an emergency.

Nathan is totally fine and we're relieved and thankful parents. We found no pieces of mushroom in the vomit... so he probably spit it all out. Doug found pictures of the likely type of mushroom online, and it was indeed poisonous, so we were thankful for the conservative approach of Poison Control.

It was a scary and nerve-racking experience, but we were well-cared for along the way. Our friend's presence made Justin none-the-wiser to what was going on with Nathan... which freed us up to care for Nathan together for the next few hours. She was a huge blessing! Thanks, Sarah! And I was very impressed with both 911 and Poison Control... their professionalism, their wisdom, their gentleness and assurance, their take-charge mentality. They held our hand well at each step and told us in small amounts (as much as we could emotionally handle, for sure) exactly what to do. I hope you never have to deal with them, but if you do, I hope you have the same positive experience.

Summer and fall are common seasons for mushrooms to suddenly appear in your yard. We had never previously seen mushrooms in our yard. We later found our culprit 5 feet from where Nathan was sitting... so Justin probably rolled over it with his toy car and/or one of us kicked it unknowingly towards Nathan. So watch out for those 'shrooms!

Blog Update and What are you doing for Halloween?

2007-10-25T17:51:00.000-07:00

First, some personal thoughts about this blog. When I started, I found myself loving the writing part of blogging. It fed my soul in ways I had never previously experienced by this craft. It felt like I was discovering a new talent, enjoying a new creative outlet. Blog post ideas were bursting from my brain and the words to write them well flowed easily.

I've been hitting some bloggers' block for some time now. Sometimes I have little to say. Currently, I have lots of post ideas but my time has been eaten up by family needs of late. More importantly, I feel like I've lost the umph in my writing- and therefore the desire to sit down and put those posts "on paper." Maybe I never really had it, but it sure did feel like good writing for me anyway! It's like my blog has lost its music, to quote a line from Sonship about how the Gospel for many of us tends to lose its music over time. Anyway, all that to say, thanks for continuing to read my blog... and at this point I trudge forward, still thankful for the learning and connection I receive through blogging.
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What are you doing for Halloween? Out of laziness and also the desire to maintain some margin in our life, we have not participated since we've had kids. The last 2 years, Justin has been too young to know he missed it, and Nathan was only 59 minutes old when the 31st rolled around last year. We're not scared of it, and don't think it's evil. We do shy away from keeping our kids up late. And we love that Justin still knows little of the existence of candy. I also hypothesize that Justin would freak out if we tried to dress him up in some sort of costume.

But I also think it could be a good opportunity to hang with some friends and/or get to know some neighbors better. A little initiating on our part could be a significant link in the chain to building some deeper relationships on our new side of town.

So there are our thoughts. I'm not sure if we'll participate in some way, or simply close the blinds to the world and cuddle on the couch. What are your thoughts on Halloween? What have and will you and your family do to celebrate?

So Big Now, So Small Later

2007-10-19T16:58:00.000-07:00

Nathan slept until 6:00am this morning! That's so late for him, wehoo! After we got him up, we groped for our coffee and tried to shhhhhh! the little guy who loves to enter the day with happy but REALLLLLYYYYY LLOOUUDDD screams at the TOP of his lungs as he plays.

At lunchtime, Justin spilled a cup of milk on the floor. The milk splattered from one corner of the room to the other, including getting on toys, books, walls, etc.

Previous to lunch, we went for a walk where Justin put his rock findings in the lower pockets in my cropped pants. I had forgotten about said rocks until cleaning up the milk mess... during which those rocks dug into my knees and spilled onto the floor.

After lunch, Nathan pooped out of his diaper. He hates getting changed, so as he was kicking and screaming, I tried desperately to minimize the damages on him, his clothes, the changing pad, and me.

While working on that, Justin entered the scene having pulled of his very first painting from last spring off the fridge, something I'd been saving because it was so special to me. He ripped it in half.

While I continued to minimize poop damage on Nathan, Justin then went to his room and knocked over his large rocking chair- "Boom!"- and proceeded to pull off all the "padding" Doug had put on to protect the floors.

After all that, I let them play and cleaned up the kitchen, trying to take a deep breath. Then, I heard a large boom and a loud, helpless cry from Nathan... Justin the culprit was hovering over his victim, looking guilty.
"Justin, why is Nathan crying?"
"I knocked Baby over."

Justin did not go to sleep at nap time, but instead cried "I want your Mommy!" (He's still working on mastering pronouns... which is quite humorous. I always imagine which Mommy he could be referring to.) He did this for quite some time, until I consented and brought him out. I had some reporting that was due today for my job that I had to complete... I completed it with him on my lap. Don't you know there was some quality in that piece?!

"Done," I called Doug in desperation, "Please tell me exactly when you'll be home so that I can have that exact time to look forward to." We then decided it was a Chic Filet night (hallelujah!) and headed over to the playground at the mall to meet Daddy later. That event on the whole was fine except when the kid-who-was-way-to-old-to-be-in-the-toddler-playground (there's always ONE, isn't there?) ran over Justin which left him in tears. And then at dinner time, Justin spilled his water again... ice cold this time... all over his lap-soaking his clothes; we had no spares. Back to the sippy for a while.

My back and neck are so sore from all the picking up of these 2 big boys, all the getting up and getting down. And I can't afford my chiro until my next car wreck.

And of course there was all the daily stuff mixed in... the food preparation, the feeding, the nursing, the laundry, the kitchen clean-up, the many other poopie and wet diapers, the clothes changing, the discipline, the moderating playtime, the many towers and books read, the singing, the walk around the block, the many times Justin spontaneously hugged me, the peek-a-boos with Nathan, the moments of Nathan's head on my shoulder, getting him after his nap and having him him wave to me, all the times Justin was so sweet and obeyed so fast, etc. etc. etc.

The more I think about it, the more I realize even on a day like today, there are so many sweet moments nestled in there. The hard moments, which feel all-encompassing and big now (don't they feel SO HUGE in the moment?!) will certainly be so small later... and will probably even be funny... and maybe, just maybe, even be missed.

Seven Things about Me

2007-10-14T11:47:00.000-07:00

Twosquaremeals has tagged me write seven things about me. Thanks for the tag, 2square! Which things did you already know about me? Which are surprising or even horrifying?

Hmmm,

1- I love living in urban-style neighborhoods. Love the variety of faces, noises, economic levels, etc. Love the natural beauty of the "nonmanicured" look. Love being challenged by people who think differently than I do. Love how sitting on my front porch lends itself to interactions with my neighbors.

2- In my past life (pre-kids), i participated in lots of
running events: 5ks, 10ks, and one half-marathon, and
triathlons as a part of a team with my family, including one half-ironman I did with my brothers... I always did the swimming leg. (Now I'm lucky if I get my rear around the block! But I'm getting motivated, I just bought new running/walking shoes!)

3- I love to make large quantities of food at one time... eating some, giving some away to friends having rainy days, freezing some for our family for later. I love tearing up the kitchen in this way, love not having to cook for a while afterwards, love giving away stuff, love feeling so productive. Food I tend to make in large quantities: banana bread, apple bread, zucchini bread, marinated meat, spinach-mushroom quiche, baby food, chicken veggie soup, etc.

4- I gave birth to my second son standing up in a bathtub. Thankfully, he was caught by someone! (my beloved family doc... who only had time to put on one glove.)

5- While I declutter often, I rarely clean my house. My new goal is to clean my bathrooms once/month, which horrifies my mother, who cleaned her bathrooms twice/week while she had young children. Love ya mom, but that trait didn't get passed down!

6- My very favorite thing to do right now is to go for a walk with our family. Boys in the double stroller, Daddy and I walking hand in hand behind. (Until we hit a big hill and then I return Daddy his hand!) Part way through the walk, we let Justin out to walk. I love seeing the world from his perspective (I never knew so many different kinds of rocks existed!), seeing Justin and Nathan sitting next to each other so happily, love the chance to talk with Doug (almost) uninterrupted while the boys are still awake, love enjoying the feel of community on our side of town together, love noticing work being done on homes, love chatting with passers-by, love watching people sitting outside to eat on the patios at the local restaurants.

7- I clog toilets often. I eat lots of fiber and things love to move on through! To help this situation, Doug installed the "Cadet 3, Large Trap Toilet." Thanks, sweetie! Thanks to his thoughtfulnes I've only had to plunge once in our new bathroom. Now THAT is love.

So now I tag Melanie!

A Few of my Favorite Things

2007-10-08T17:37:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! I'm ending the day tired... mostly from having a yucky attitude at all the normal parenting pursuits. The boys are fine, but some days my heart isn't. Today, even though I've had the partnership of my wonderful husband and boys' Daddy present all day, I end the day tired of the daily activities of caring for 2 small children. So I thought I'd end the day sharing a few of my favorite things I'm thankful for... to try to end on a good note. Think Oprah's "Favorite Things," except I won't be purchasing things for you.

We had a great family day perusing a local orchard. Sounds fun and beautiful and productive, right? Well, we searched and searched... and after even more searching, we found 4 apples the size of glorified grape tomatoes. Unfortunately, a late spring freeze killed the crop. Wisely of the orchard, their building was nonetheless stocked with apples from nearby local orchards that faired better. We enjoyed the search with our friends and were glad to discover a new favorite kind of apple.

Idared... Doug calls it a mix between a granny smith and a gala... a little tart and sweet... and with a red skin. Notice in the linked picture the apples were on a tree. Again, we did not see this. I originally bought some in the hopes of making apple pies. Doesn't that sound scrumptious? But then I got real... and bought them just to eat. They are amazing.

I did buy a large bag of golden delicious for which to make Nathan's applesauce. It's so yummy that I think I'll save some for us this time. If you were to try it, you'd never guess it had NOTHING added to it. And it's so easy! After 45 minutes, I had ~25 servings of applesauce for Nathan... at the total cost of $4 or $5. Not bad! But the ease of the making leads me to share a couple more of my favorite things:

Williams and Sonoma Apple Peeler/Corer
and
my VitaMix.
The Apple Peeler/Corer makes dealing with apples so much easier/faster... especially when working with a large quantity. I use my VitaMix almost every day and totally recommend it. The website is helpful if you're curious. It's expensive; you might have to take a 2nd mortgage out on your house, but it's been well worth it for us. The ease and high quality of this machine has made making baby food, smoothies, soup with fresh veggies, grinding nuts, and much more... commonplace around our full house. And I wouldn't be able to do these things without its help.

On a snackier note, have you tried the new Fire Roasted Tomato and Olive Oil Triscuits? Yummy. Try with a slice of cheddar cheese and your favorite red wine. Or even snuck out of the pantry when your toddler isn't looking. Either way they are amazing.

So there are a few things for ya. Off to sit on my tail on the couch w/the hubby and wind down this heart with him and the Lord... tomorrow our week begins.

Hello from my Silence

2007-10-03T10:28:00.001-07:00

Hi there!

I've not had the blog vibes of late. I've been motivated to work on some things around here when I've had those "free" moments.

Some things I've been working on:
--helped to throw party for a friend which was way special and fun. great to see more of her world and was a great excuse to provide chocolate from my favorite place. think dark chocolate with raspberries, dark with toffee, dark with espresso, dark with trail mix, dark with mint. it's sad i just wrote just as much about the chocolate as i did about my friend and the party.

--yesterday i cooked 4 spinach mushroom quiches to freeze, made this yummy cauliflower dish with cream cheese... totally did NOT taste like cauliflower!, cooked several other veggies including baby food for nathan, etc. i get in these "sprints" where i wipe out lots on my to-do lists. and then i'll crash for a few days. i definitely don't pace myself well but that's just how i'm wired i'm realizing!

--i've also been in a little season of longing for adult conversation and community a bit more than usual. after nathan was born, i was like, "give me a play date today or i'm going to scream!" i realized i needed to be more content home with the boys- since that is where i wanted to be, so i worked on staying home and pushing through those hard places-- not calling someone to come over or throwing them in the car and the first gut urge to do so... and thankfully the Lord worked on my me and gave me a content heart. i began to embrace the space and the gift of time with them so much more deeply. i found myself not living for nap times and all that.

but i'm a little back in that place. perhaps i was so thankful for this new season but then started to wrongly think i was "done." perhaps i thought i, the extrovert, would no longer struggle with the inevitable isolation that comes with staying home with kids. and perhaps i started leaning on my own strength for my peace. well, i'm back longing for adult conversation a bit more than in a healthy way. while it's certainly good to long for community, i can feel the difference (usually) when i'm longing for that community to meet my needs more than than going to the Lord for that. it starts to become an idol.

funny thing is that i've had lots of time with friends lately. it's interesting how the needs of our flesh can be insatiable... we chase after other things and those things never do meet the long-term itch.

--I've enjoyed going through the Sonship course with an amazing small group of women from my church who all live on my side of town. we are mostly in different stages in life so it's been a gift to learn from them and become better known by them. The course has been a great way to see my need for the Gospel every day and for that I've been grateful. I might expound more on that another day.

--we're working on helping nathan sleep better at night... he's gotten in a bad-habit-zone. he's doing much better but now i'm having a hard time sleeping! so i've been dragging around in super-fatigue world for a few weeks now.
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There are other things of course going on but i'll stop with that. thanks for reading all the lowercased letters and rambling! Blessing to you all!

Book Reviews and a Request for Recommendation

2007-09-24T10:49:00.000-07:00

Books on my nightstand of late:
Mitten Strings for God, by Katrina Kenison
This is a great book which fleshes out ways to live more relationally, more in tune with the needs of your family, less busily, and less in reaction to the pangs of culture. It led to some helpful discussions with Doug on issues such as when to start "little league" with our boys, the role tv has in our family, encouraging imagination in our kids, looking for hidden treasures in our daily life, making the most of our time together, and more. I loved this book, but don't go to it to deepen your theology. It's a bit vague and Oprah-ish in that department- which didn't bother me since I wasn't going to it for that purpose, but thought it necessary to clarify that point so its title didn't mislead you. There are lots of jewels to be gained nonetheless. Doug nicknamed this book "Soft and Gentle." ;) Thanks for the recommendation, Missy!

Harvest of Hope, Stories of Life-Changing Gifts by Kay Marshall Strom
I totally dig those "gift catalogs" where you can buy a goat for a family to help them have nourishing milk, give them offspring they can sell, etc. I've always wanted to know where the money actually goes. Does my money actually go to a goat or just generally to the organization? Do our small gifts actually make an impact on anyone? This latest IV Press book successfully answers these questions and more. While the author mentions several organizations, she specifically targeted Partners International for her search. She went all over the world and wrote everything from the logistics to how the gift-giving logistically happens to how a specific person's or family's life was changed. She reports the positive impacts and the challenges. I've loved learning how the gift multiplies itself for other deserving families as the family receiving the gift has to pay back the loan, how they start to make enough money to actually be able to send their children to school, how that family gets has a positive connection with the local Christian church through the operation, how the operation is led indigenously in each local town. I can't wait to get my new catalog in the mail and consider how it will guide our Christmas gift-giving.

Mothers Together by Ruth Bell Graham and (Ruth's oldest daughter) Gigi Graham Tchividjian
What a gift it is to read the everyday thoughts of these two famous mothers. I enjoyed the aesthetic look of this book and its short "devotional" style writing. There are real journal entries, poems, essays, and letters. Some are humorous, some touched my heart after a long day with the kids, all are encouraging. This is a fun book to read when you need it most... it's light and easy book, meant to be read in snippets. My only complaint was when Gigi mentioned how hard it was to get her house tidied up so that her housekeeper could clean. I don't mind that she has a housekeeper, but I don't want to hear how hard it is to prepare for her!

I'll soon be in need of a new book. Any recommendations for me??

Favorite children's' books from our last trip to the library:
Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi
I've known of this book for many years and was so excited to read it with my son. We ALL loved this short explanation of how pooping is native to every living thing on the earth. (I think Doug and I laughed the hardest.) How could I not like a picture of a circle of animals, all facing outward, with their unpolitically correct but accurate bowel movements underneath them?

Snow Family by Daniel Kirk
Daniel Kirk has such fun books. This is a cute tale about a little boy who finds little snow boys and girls who need snow parents. Kirk delivers his cutsie, sing-songy poetry amidst his delightful illustrations without disappointment.

A Family of Poems by Caroline Kennedy
I am illiterate in the poetry department so I appreciated this recommendation from Nina. This is a great starter book for kids and parents alike. The collection is divided into chapters such as "Silly," "About Me," and "Animals," along with Kennedy's sharing of how they used them in their family. Watch out for a few poems obviously geared for older children... such as "Elephants, Anonymous" which quotes "He tears a man like an old rag and hangs him in the tree." Yikes! As a whole, it's a fabulous collection I hope to own someday.

A Truck Goes Rattley-Bumpa by Jonathan London
There is nothing glitzy about this book, but I love it anyway. It's a fun book about trucks with happy and simple illustrations. And Justin loves it, which is the main point, right? He's always asking for "Twuck Goes Wattley-Bumpa!!" so of course I should mention it here.

The Moon Might Be Milk by Lisa Shulman
Does anyone else out there have a hard time suspending reality? If so, reading this book might be an appropriate next step for you. On the order of Henny Penny (but with a much more positive ending!), little Rosie goes on a quest to find out what the moon is made out of. She starts among all her animal friends and they all end up at Grandma's house. I won't tell you the ending, but I will say that the last page is a recipe for "Gran's Sugar Cookie Moons." My little moon-lover Justin and I tried out the recipe today and it does in fact work! We had so much fun applying the end of the book. The cooking process took him out of his whining mode.

And lastly, I need your recommendations! Nathan's first birthday is fast approaching... October 30th. As I mentioned earlier, we have a tradition in our family of presenting a book to each child on his birthday. The book reflects some personality trait we noticed that year, some way we want to encourage them, a way we saw them grow or develop, or the like. Just inside the book, we will write them a love letter telling them why we chose the book and ways we love and appreciate them. Will you help us come up with the prized book for Nathan this year?

Some information that might be helpful about Nathan:
He'll be turning one so I'd like it to be at least somewhat age appropriate-- board book would be nice but go ahead and shoot me recommendations of picture books that apply. He has an older brother. (A book about brothers or being the younger brother perhaps?) He took a long time to warm up to food and now he's all about food. (A unique board book about food?) He's a really fast crawler and loves to move. (Something about movement of babies?) He smiles shyly and giggles at other baby's faces both in picture and in real life. (Maybe a simple little book with baby faces?) My husband adds, "He has acid reflux, is there a really good book about spitting up?" Maybe we could sit it next to the poop book. He loves to swing, loves to look at cars from the porch swing, and loves to laugh at his big brother.

Any ideas for Nathan's book?

Reaching for the Moon

2007-09-18T19:02:00.000-07:00

Justin is fascinated by the moon. This fascination has been going on for months. He's always searching for it and often finding it way before we do. For his birthday last spring, we bought him "Papa, Please Get The Moon for Me" by Eric Carle. This gift started a tradition for us... every birthday we plan to buy a book for each child as their main birthday present. The book will reflect something significant in their year, some emerging aspect of their personality, etc. And then we'll write them a letter in the front of the book. We love the push to think thoughtfully about our child and the vision of their reading all the ways we saw how they are special throughout the years. What a collection they will have... both of great books and of our love letters. We hope it's a simple keepsake they'll treasure for years to come.

Tonight, we couldn't find the moon as we played outside after dinner. As I was getting Justin ready for bed, we found it... a small, low, sparkly crescent we viewed out his window. I picked him up and we paused cheek to cheek, staring at our end-of-the-day prize.

Justin: "I want to touch it."
me: "Let's reach for it!" (quoting Eric Carle's book, all to familiar to him by now.)
Justin (while reaching): "I can't get it!"
me: "Do you know how you can get to it? You can ride in a special airplane called a space shuttle. It flies way up high in the sky. Then you can get to it. Would you like to do that some day Justin?"
Justin: "mmm (yes)... and then I want to come back down."

Oh, good. I'm so glad!

Have to's and want to's

2007-09-17T19:32:00.000-07:00

http://soulemama.typepad.com/
This post about knitting is so beautiful--- makes me want to go knit something!!! It's been so long since I held those clicking needles... since before Justin was born. I knit scarves for all the women in our families all the way to Banff and back! I think I drove a total of 2 hours the whole trip. I was so content in the passenger seat clicking my needles, imagining my makings hugging the necks of these women. Little did I know, on the return trip I was carrying our first born son. Perhaps all that clicking was spurred on by my first motherly instincts to nurture.

Oh there are so many things clamoring for my time, have-to's and want-to's. Isn't it dreadfully hard to decide how to spend time?? Perhaps knitting will rise to the top of the list as the cool winds of autumn approach our front door. Will I be content to sink into the time it takes to relearn this craft? Should I be?

It Is Finished

2007-09-11T17:21:00.000-07:00

Almost. Just one more coat of paint on the crown molding and baseboards in 2 rooms- and we're officially finished with all the major house projects. I know I keep saying this, but it's really true this time!

The little boys and I just returned from a long weekend to grandma's (aka "Beep Beep") house where I participated in the baby shower of a dear friend and former coworker. In addition to getting some quality Beep Beep and shower time, I was also able to get some "out of town" work done. It was a full but fun few days. I return exhausted but grateful for all the experiences. While we were gone, Doug finished hanging the crown molding and baseboards in the kitchen, hallway, and master bathroom.

I await the return of my beloved from his long day of work (at his "real job") with a little background music, toys all over the floor, a grocery list needing starting, a calendar that needs at least a quick gaze, a wee bit more unpacking, and a desire to stretch my writing muscle. This blog has been such a refreshing practice for my mind and heart. It's calling my name right now and I'm grateful to concede.

Today I write a quick "thank you!" to my precious and industrious husband who has worked so hard in every way on our home long before we inhabited its walls and several months after. Thank you, Doug. Thank you for having vision that transcended the tiled-ceilings, smallish living areas, cracking walls, overpruned cotton-ball-on-a-toothpick-trees, limited kitchen, brass faux-ribbon drapery pull backs, and so much more. Where we now abide has plenty of leg room and plenty of space to play and rest. We can comfortably house guests for day and/or evening, all the while enjoying the noise barriers between living spaces and the boys' rooms.

Our impossible dreams of an open layout (in a 1920's bungalow), a "chop and see" where I can work in the kitchen in close proximity of the boys' playing, an extra bedroom for guest or office, a large front porch, a flat exit from the back of the house to the backyard... all a short skip to the "main street" of our urban-style culturally-mixed neighborhood... have become a reality.

The personality of this space continues to unfold. Just last week, Justin discovered that our front door was metal... something unknown to us... and excitedly used it as a new home for his letter magnets.

I'd like to insert here: "we did it!" But we both know that would be a massive joke. Had it not been for the generous help from friends, family, and students (who are like friends and family), we would still be demolishing walls, pulling up staples from the hardwoods, measuring for cabinets, and relieving ourselves in Ziploc bags (will expand in another post if interest presents itself). And we both also know it was the Lord who kept us asking for forgiveness when we were short with each other after long days. It was He who helped us know when to persevere with the house projects and when to throw in the towel and have a "family fun" day. It is He who continues to deepen our vision and desire to learn and live in this, our corner of the world, well.

But writing "a post for God" feels way to much like a slogan on a bad "Christian" tshirt. And so I write to you instead.

I'm grateful for you sweetie. I'm grateful for your hard work on the house. Your gifts in building are one in a million. But your gifts in husbanding and daddying are inestimable. I'm grateful for the ways you were present with us during this whole journey. And I sink into all the days the Lord has ahead for us.

Being In The World But Not Of The World

2007-09-03T17:12:00.000-07:00

Justin and I have started to attend a 10 week long music class called "Music Together." I first heard of the program from my college roomie and dear friend Kara, who is very musically inclined and was a teacher for Music Together for a few years.

Our first class was last Thursday and it was so much fun. The music is so rich with flavor and possibility. The teacher was so engaging and encouraging. Justin spent half of the time staring with amazement and wonder. The other half was spent dancing around the room, laughing, and looking for the bathroom. (For some reason he was fascinated with the bathroom, anyway...) I loved watching his concentration, loved observing that he's more into gross motor movement than fine motor. And I loved being there with him, both new on this musical journey. The program emphasizes parental involvement... that he'll learn more from me than from the teacher. Fabulous! I had an excuse to dive in, be silly, and try new things. Doug's keeping Nathan during that time so Justin and I can have that time alone together. I'm really excited about learning and experiencing music in new ways with him.

I'm also excited about being in a regular group with other kids and their Mommies, where we are all invested with our resources, time, and mutual interest. This opportunity seems like such a breeding ground for new relationships with families in Asheville with whom I otherwise would have no contact. I am filled with hope and anticipation in so many ways. I have so much to learn and so much to share as well.

The teacher sent us home with our Music Together packet, including a cd of all the music we will listen to in the class. After we returned home, we listened to the songs and relived the fun we had. We also heard new songs that we will experience later in the class. One of the songs was titled "The Earth is Our Mother," and was about taking care of the earth. While I am much in favor of being good stewards of the earth, I don't feel comfortable personifying it, as this song does. In Sunday School, Justin has been "learning" or "exposed to" the story of Daniel and the Lion's Den. We've been talking about it a little at home. I felt a little like Daniel, being asked to bow down to a "god" who wasn't my God. I realized there was no way I would feel comfortable singing about the earth like it was a spiritual being, and no way I would feel comfortable teaching Justin to do the same. However, in no way did I want to be disrespectful, holier than thou, divisive, or annoying in any way. What was I to do?

I emailed the teacher and told her how much we enjoyed the class, how much I could see Justin benefiting from the class even here at the beginning, how excited I was, etc. (think: gracious, gracious, gracious, was the goal.) I explained briefly how the song made me feel uncomfortable because of our differing spiritual beliefs for the reason above. I also told her that I didn't want to be disrespectful in any way or disrupt the tone of the class. I asked her to let me know when she would be singing the song in class and we would quietly leave the class early that day or come a little late. I was open to other suggestions.

My excitement for the class was quickly replaced by fear and trepidation: how would she receive my email? I felt like I was suddenly fast forwarded to Justin in first grade, my emailing the teacher about some similar issue. It felt like the potential beginning of such stress... wanting to be hopeful and excited about our involvement in the world while simultaneously feeling the awkwardness of not wanting to be of it, and wondering how would this play out in all the details. I so did not want to put a damper on our new relationships and new journey in the world in any way.

Thankfully, this story has an amazingly positive ending. The teacher promptly phoned me to talk further of my concerns. She was so respectful and so accommodating. She at no point made me feel uncomfortable for our beliefs and concerns. She helped me come up with a plan to take Justin to the bathroom with me during that song--- something he enjoyed-hilarious- and something that shouldn't affect the tone of the room. AND we won't have to miss much of the class at all, another one of her thoughtful concerns. She also said that after 1-2 classes of being exposed to the song that she would play it without the words, explaining that the best thing about it was the opportunity for experimenting with the drums. She wondered if I felt comfortable participating if the words weren't sung. I shared that I would love to be a part of it if the words weren't sung and thanked her for her thoughtfulness. She expressed her utmost appreciation for my involvement in the class. She even troubleshooted with me about how to help transition Justin back to the "real world" after the class... an unrelated question/concern about which I had emailed.

Not only did my encouragement for our involvement in the class return, but it was accompanied by increased excitement and vision for being involved in our children's (Lord willing) public school experience. True, we are years away from that experience's birth. But, my heart and mind long to be nurtured with real vision, passion, purpose, and hope in preparation for that season.

I know that every such future experience will not necessarily go the same way, but I'm taking a few principles learned from this one and putting them in my pocket:

1- Teacher-types love parental involvement more than they love cookie cutter parents who agree with everything they say and do. I shouldn't assume that they will hate me, as my people-pleasing tendencies might pronounce. In actuality, if I'm not a jerk about it, in all likelihood these teachers will probably be encouraged by my thoughts and participation all the more.

2- The Lord really is with me and doesn't like to rake me over the coals just for fun. I know this in my head but it was good to experience it in real life. And I long to remember that He's with me even during a story with not as good as an ending, as I'm sure will happen at some point.

3- These are issues worth dealing with for the sake of many values significant to our family. These folks in the class are worth a little bit of finagling and discomfort on my part.
a) I need to learn from them. I've found that many folks in our town who do not put their faith in Jesus like our family does actually have more of their lives in line with Biblical principles than many of us "churched" folks. The areas that immediately come to mind are: living in the moment/not worrying about tomorrow, not being busy, being supportive and connected to their family members, being good stewards of the earth (for different motives than ours but I can still learn much from them nonetheless), having hearts and lives more bent towards social justice especially in issues of loving the poor and race, and so much more.
b) Jesus is the only real giver of life and we long to be vessels through which the Lord reveals this truth to others. I want to be available to let the Lord use our family to love on them and share this Truth as doors open.

The best way to learn is to dive in, so here we go!

A Moment to Cherish with Justin

2007-08-29T17:22:00.000-07:00

The boys and I had a full day of "everyday" fun... nothing dramatic or exciting, just a typical day full of being together. Library story time, running around the house, lots of puzzles, art projects, reading books, lining up cars and trucks, opportunities to practice sharing toys ;) as Nathan learns to crawl and get into big brother's toys, etc.

After dinner, Justin and I went on a walk together down the street while Daddy gave Nathan a bath. Just the two of us, hand in hand, noticing the cars, the rocks, the paint on the road, the dogs, talking about our day, etc.

As we returned home, Justin initiated our last mini-conversation.
Justin: "Justin happy."
Me: "Are you happy, Justin? Why are you happy?"
Justin: "Mommy here."

There is nothing else to say. My heart is full and I am thankful.

All's Messy but the Notebook

2007-08-27T18:47:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I took my dear friend Missy's advice and have started my very own Home Organization Notebook. I'm inordinately excited about this thing. So excited I figured it was worth breaking my internet silence over. The front half is home/personal and the second half is for work. The front half has sections for a calendar, several categories of to-do lists, library (books to read for kids and for me-- yes, I'm trying to read more than Sandra Boynton these days) lists, weekly meal planner, birthday calendar (sorry I've missed so many birthdays lately everyone!), phone lists, etc. I've been giddy about this thing. The above site has FREE printable sheets in those categories and more.

I used to be a daytimer chic- I was newly out of college and in love with the supple leather, then I became a Palm Pilot ace- enjoying all the beaming and sinking, and now I'm back to 3rd grade with a turquoise 3-ring binder and fluorescent section dividers. I couldn't be more thrilled. I got tired of my computer losing my information, my palm dieing, not having a place for things only found on paper, waiting for my computer to pull up wanted information, fighting off wandering toddler hands, etc.

Now I have a place for everything... well, it's getting close anyway. And it's all in such a cute system I can use whenever! It's been so much fun to fill out the divider sections and arrange it all. I had forgotten how fun it was to stack papers, punch holes, click that 3 ring, all that. As I've come upon a new needed section for my notebook, I've sprinted to my hubbie in delight to announce the addition. I've showed him the update at every turn, sometimes every 10 minutes, and he's been graciously excited with me. He came home today with a "surprise" for me. Guess what it was? A new bright orange zipper pen pouch- equipped with 5 colored pens- that attaches to my 3-ring binder! It might be one of the most thoughtful gifts he's ever given me. That's a compliment to him and my notebook, not a statement on last gifts! Shame on you!

As I've had my head buried in the sand of my new home organization notebook, somehow my home has gotten quite disorganized. Now, how does that work?? I guess my time has been put to the bigger picture for a time while the toys and mail and laundry build. Hopefully like Tiger Woods new golf swing (am I good or what, Doug?!), after a time of organizational shifting and tweaking, the home will rise to a new level of peace. As I complained of the clutter this evening, Doug's advice was to simply "if you place your hand in such a way as to block the lower half of the room, everything looks great!"

He can use his hand, I'm going to use my new notebook.

A Quick Hi

2007-08-21T17:05:00.001-07:00

Just stopping in to say "HI!"... life is crazy amidst our household lately as students return to campus and i start a new part of my very part-time job. I'm probably going to pull back blogging for a bit to help maintain some order around here. Some semblance anyway!

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If I had some more time and energy to devote here, here are some posts swirling in my brain I would write about. Any you want to make sure I tackle at some point? Who knows, I'll probably be itchin' to be back here sooner than I think. Writing is becoming therapeutic for me!

our real life experience last weekend with The Big Red Barn

process over product in justin's art

update on nathan and reflections/questions

more cultural observations from our side of town: the used appliance store, the dry goods store, yard sales not in anyone's yards, big southern brick churches, my mom's cultural shock while in our side of town- things from her perspective

recipes to post: what to do w/extras from the garden: zucchini bread, squash casserole, rachel's chicken veggie soup (did i post that already?), chicken bistro

some children's bk reviews

adult bk reviews
including a mystery of marriage update

organizational projects we've been tackling of late

sending off melanie
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On a logistical note, thanks to the willingness and blog-smarts of my dear friend Marshall, I can now boast a "recent comments" section. Thank you so much for saving me from more headaches, Marshall! This will be a treat to have.

Smelly Towel

2007-08-16T10:16:00.000-07:00

(insert "Smelly Cat" Friend's song, just sub in "Towel.")

My bath towel smells really awful after just a few days. I think we've finally discovered the 3 culprits... I use mine more often during the day as a hand towel so it stays wet in some places, our bathroom doesn't get much air current (should be a normal issue in bathrooms I think?), and I generally smell much worse than my dear husband Doug.

I decided to bring this reality into the public. I'm thinking if I can connect with other smelly women, we could bond over our unfortunate reality.

Men tend to get the bad rep for smells in all areas of body odor. I shall expand... by that I mean armpit odor, bottom area odors, and mouth area odors. I won't go into much more detail because I'm SLOWLY taking ownership of the fact that most people don't feel as comfortable talking about all areas of potty humor as much as my dear husband and I do. I think you're all really missing out, but I'll just leave it at that for now.

Anyway, it's true. I smell bad, and my husband smells amazing. No, I don't just have rose- colored glasses on... those fell off a long time ago. (I think they wilted from the smells.) He just really doesn't have body odor. He never wears deodorant and doesn't need it. I'm serious. I've stuck my nose deep into the chasms of his armpits and there is no odor! The only exception is when he spends hours on a ball field or mows the grass or something of the sort. Or these days, he can smell after driving his unairconditioned car in 100 degree heat. But even then it's not bad.

Then there is me. I can smell after simply being inside all day. It seems that after I started having babies, my smells have only intensified.

The plot thickens... currently, my sweat smells like maple syrup. It's true. The sweet smell is a byproduct of all the Fenugreek I'm taking to increase my milk supply. While it is strange and leaves us both craving IHOP at all hours, it's been a nice reprieve from my normal smelliness.

But I know this too is just a season. Soon I'll be forced to bathe in my own unaltered smells.

A Dinner Fit for a King

2007-08-13T16:56:00.000-07:00

Are you ready for my newest recipe recommendations? Here you go!

Hot dogs... Nathan's Hot dogs are the best if you can spare the change; we had Bryan's today- they were fine. Corn syrup was third in the ingredient list, doesn't that sound amazing? If you have hot dog buns, great- we didn't. Ketchup is a nice topping. Homemade not necessary.

Macaroni and Cheese... we've discovered that "Best Value" written in Spanish on the box is the cheapest and tastes the same. I'm not fooled by Kraft's "real cheese" claim, are you?

Green beans... frozen and generic, defrost, warm, and serve. No flavor needed.

I realized today that I don't want my blog to only be about the good ole times at our abode. Don't get me wrong, we enjoyed the dinner (well, Justin couldn't stomach the beans, but he loved the rest, especially the ketchup which is made from tomatoes, don't forget!). But I feel the need to include here the reality of our family life. That sometimes the best choices in one area sacrifice the best choices in other areas.

When I get into hyper-cooking-planning-ahead mode, I can stock the freezer with 4 loaves of zucchini bread, 2 spinach mushroom quiches, and 8 marinated chicken breasts in 2 days. Oftentimes, that's what my Mondays and Tuesdays look like as I prepare food for much of the rest of the week. But today I can't think ahead. My mind is a bit fried after flying solo for several days. So we'll probably have a frozen pizza tomorrow.

And that's okay, I'm reminding myself. I love to serve my family yummy, healthy food. And I love to save us money by planning meals well. But my dear husband reminds me he'd rather have me enjoy my days, enjoy him, and be well rested than to feel like I have to "produce" a lot during a day. And I'm just now starting to believe him and agree with him. He's usually right about these kinds of things.

So today we loved on an emotionally needy older son and kept inappropriate toys from our younger son. We did about 5 different art projects with Justin and rescued Nathan from the hardwood floors- which seems to often jump up and hit his head. I worked for a few hours on the front porch as Daddy kept the kids inside. When I was working, I wanted to be with them, and when I was with them, some of the time I wanted to be working. We all took naps and basically spent lots of time sitting on our bums.

Was it a great day? I wouldn't say it was great. But it wasn't a bad day either. It was a day. And that's how most days really are. And I'm thankful for this day too. These are the character-building days, I remind myself in hope. I'm thankful I'm not the One in charge of that!

Making Sacrifices for your Children

2007-08-09T06:38:00.001-07:00

First, an update on "Nursapalooza!"... we went to our awesome family doc yesterday and weighed Nathan. He gained 5 oz in just one week! So "Nursapalooza!" is working. I'm so thankful. I've always read and encouraged others that you can increase your milk supply simply by increasing nursing frequency, because of the supply/demand principle of breastfeeding... but experiencing it myself was required a deeper level of faith in the process. It was really incredible to experience it firsthand.

"Nursapalooza!" is requiring a lot of sacrifice on my part. (I'm nursing more often and longer than previously, etc. so my time is eaten up. For one thing, if I get to finish this post, I probably won't edit it!) I don't say that to brag about sacrificing, "whoa is me! aren't i so great?!" but more to bring up the idea of sacrificing for our children.

Isn't it difficult to know when, how, and to what extent to sacrifice for them? When is sacrificing for them a place for us to grow in our character, part of our responsibility as parents, a way to love them in such a lavish way as to reflect --even just a little-- God's lavish love for them?

And when is sacrificing for them unhealthy for us? When does it become a way for us to find our value and identity to unhealthy extremes?

Lately I've been sensing the need to sink into this mommying thing more and more. I'm doing a lot of "sacrificing" as it would appear... but is it really even "sacrificing," I wonder? When I have sacrificed just a little smidgen for my kids, what I have gained from the experience of mothering FAR tips the scales. Abundance, joy, and deeper relationships have followed. Not that it's formulaic in any way. (This is when good editing time would be really helpful- in order o expand here... anyway...)

In addition to the everyday selfishness in my own heart, there are so many things telling me to take care of ME. Every other commercial is about a drug that claims to meet a need I didn't know I had. The radio station's call sign is "MY 103.4." My organization's web page's employee page is called "MYpage." There are places to get manicures and pedicures on every corner. I can even order my latte EXACTLY the way I want it. Etc.etc.etc. We have SO MUCH more than any other time or culture or country can offer, yet we keep longing for rest from more of these things. It's our very being to be all about ourselves. I'm definitely not saying any of those things are bad. But I'm starting to sense in my own heart when I'm hoping things will give me the rest my heart and mind and body desire. I'm sure you are following me.

And so I'm trying to find the rest in the everyday "sacrifices." And the Lord is meeting me here. Today I'm exhausted. But I look forward to being met by the Lord in the little moments with my children. In the little moments that come within the space of being in a day not too filled with things to distract me from them. In the stirring, the changing, the wiping, the tower-building, the book-reading, the putting one child down crying to chase the other, even in the redirecting, teaching, disciplining and the changing. It's in these moments I pray the Lord would give me eyes to find His rest. That I would look for Him here. That I wouldn't pray for the moments to pass or for the circumstances to change. But that I would long to be met by Him amidst the craziness, knowing having Him in ANY circumstance is a great great blessing I all to often take for granted.

"Bald Chicks Rule..." and so do men with receding hair lines

2007-08-03T18:23:00.000-07:00

I have to take a moment to celebrate my brother and cousin. My cousin Hillary has been kicking Leukemia's booty for several months now. Her attitude has been so inspiring to so many people. Check out her blog for her wide smiles, humorous stories, and joyful perspective. Consider taking a moment to pray for her amidst the journey and to send her encouraging words via a comment on her blog.

My brother Brett (notice his hairline) participated in a bike ride that raised over $700k for The Lance Armstrong Foundation. He alone raised over $15,000! He's tied for first place as the largest individual fundraiser for the event. The event was a 24-hour bike ride "24 hours of Booty" and my brother rode 225 miles... unbelievable. I have a hard time driving for 225 miles, by the way. Brett tore up the street as he connected with legions of other bikers and stories... someone even gave him a pink ribbon pin worded "Bald Chicks Rule." Way cool!

There are many beautiful things to talk about here, but I wanted to celebrate my brother's participation in this event. He trained hard for this event and raised the money all the while raising money for his daughter and my niecey Caroline, who has insulin-dependent Type 1 Diabetes. He and Caroline's Mommy work hard every day to take the best care of Caroline.

The goal of my blog is to "Make Room for More." Amidst all the monotony of daily activities and the pull in the world towards foolish and wasteful things, I want to try to make room to experience and engage in the fullness of all that is offered us. That is what my brother has done. Amidst all the significant things on his plate, like caring for his daughter, he took the time to participate in an event that brought great help and encouragement to my cousin. His involvement speaks volumes to me of the size of his heart. And so I celebrate him here. Well done Brett. I'm thankful and proud to call you my brother!

"Nursapalooza!"

2007-08-02T12:18:00.000-07:00

Nathan had his 9- month well check-up yesterday and we discovered he's lost over 3 lbs since his last visit almost 3 months ago. Naturally, I was devastated. Somehow his weight loss had alluded me. There are a lot of things I don't feel good at during this stage of my life, but I've always felt successful at being attentive to my children. Well, there goes that one! So now I'm steeped in Mommy-guilt and heart break... I can't believe I couldn't tell my child was in a state of constant hunger. Oddly enough, he's not been acting overly fussy, sleeping differently, none of that. Feeling hungry must have become his new "normal." I so badly want him to know that I love him and want nothing more than for him to feel full and satisfied right now!

Apparently my milk supply has decreased significantly. Nathan has always been a fast nurser; I probably should not have been assuming he was "done" whenever he popped off and glanced at me. And all those times I've popped him off in order to chase his brother have come back to haunt me as well... as supply is based upon demand.

In an effort to increase my milk supply and let the Lord pull me out of my "pit of despair" (reminding me of the oft-quoted phrase with my college roommate Kara- back when we thought we had problems!), I've declared it "Nursapalooza!" around here. I'm nursing Nathan several more times a day, I'm offering him both sides twice, and I'm never popping him off-- even his comfort sucking will be good to stimulate supply and might bring on another let-down.

Nathan loves "Nursapalooza!" and as you might imagine, their Daddy does too. Unfortunately, his big brother doesn't appreciate that he's been dragged to the "Nursapalooza!" festival without his consent. Spoiling Nathan right now means leaving Justin out, and that is hard. I'm doing the best I can and trying to be content in the process. Mommy-guilt, be gone!

I'd appreciate your love and cheers during all the concerted effort at "Nursapalooza!"-- our one familied-festival! Whatever your background is... single, no kids, kids fed on formula, kids breastfed for the short haul, kids breastfed for the long haul, kids fed food early, kids fed food late, and everything else in between... bring on the lovin'!

The Panda House

2007-07-28T17:43:00.000-07:00

As my local friends know, our side of town is full of cultural curiosities to say the least. I dreamt of writing one amazing post about all the oddities... but became quite overwhelmed at the task.

Where do I start?
Where do I stop?
How do I do it all justice?

Lorraine's idea was divine... to do an "observation of the day" type of thing... freeing me from the pressure of wanting to perform ALL of it perfectly at my first shot. She acts like she's taking Sonship or something. Anyway...

The Panda House is a great place to start. I pause here, because I'm quite aware that my words won't do it justice. You'll just have to come for a visit and ask for the tour... from across the street.

I got my rear in gear and went for a walk Thursday morning. Our side of town is made up of cozy bungalows... some making you say, "oh, how cute-" and some making you stop and gasp, "what is that?" Well, the Panda House is one of the "gaspy" ones.

Imagine, if you are capable, hundreds- I'm not exaggerating- of stuffed panda bears, yes- the toy kind, all over the outside of a house.

The porch. Piled on the porch swing. Stacked on the steps. Stuffed in the planters.

The yard. Peering through branches in trees. Lining the fence. Peeking through the shrubs. Even bleeding into the vacant lot next door.

Yes, I really am serious.

Urban Legend has it that there are even more INSIDE the "Panda Woman's" house.

I've always had a problem with collections. If I like something, I might want a couple more of it- maybe. But I'll probably just want to enjoy the one I have. I've never understood the wanting of many many of one thing. I've started to view that house has haunted and wondered what issues the Panda Woman has, or doesn't have.

Well, I have some news for you. On my walk that cool, brisk morning on Thursday, serendipity had it for me to lay my eyes on the Panda Woman herself. When Melanie and I used to walk these streets, we only dreamt of such an occasion. Well, it happened and I will tell you what I saw.

She actually appeared much like I had imagined. She had many years on her, had unkempt hair, and wore a very worn moo moo. She was slowly walking through her yard with a tall pooper scooper, scooping up poop. (By the way, in case you were wondering, "pooper" doesn't pass spell check.)

Upon telling of my viewing to Doug, he exclaimed, "Was it a dog's poop? Or the pandas' poop?" Good question. Good question. I need to get back over there and observe the poop a bit closer.

As I continued on my walk past the Panda's House... or the Panda Woman's House as I now shall say, I leave with many of the same questions as I had before.

Why does she have all these panda's?
Does she not notice they are dirty and molded from being subjected to the elements?
Is anyone in her life to tell her these things?

The whole situation is such a vivid picture of depravity.

Then I get sad. Either she
a) has no one left to free her from the pandas.
or
b) she has family/friends, but for whatever reason, there's enough distance or fear in the relationship that no one is taking action to free her from said pandas.

Does anyone even know why she has the pandas? There has to be a really good reason and a really good story. Does anyone know it? This realization might be the saddest part.

And so I end with a request. If such a collection takes over my home and life in my latter years... or if I have any other issue completely obvious to the world... or we'll even say, if these things are true of my today, please come help me!! Don't leave me here alone to die with my "pandas!"

Doug's ending to this madness is this...
"What if she isn't alone. What if she has a husband who hates the pandas?"

Childrens Book Reviews

2007-07-23T05:04:00.001-07:00

Some folks are AMAZING at giving reviews of children books... amazing in that they do it often and give concise, clear, and compelling reviews of their favorite children's books. Check out Preschoolathome if you're interested in one.

This is my first time, so be patient with me! I'll definitely save figuring out how to post pictures of the books for another day or year.

The boys and I had a very successful trip to the library a few weeks ago. I discovered the "New Children's Books" section. My other strategy was to look through all the children's books on display. I figured they were on display for a reason (someone must love 'em!) and loaded up. Usually I wander around in circles, if i haven't placed specific books on hold or don't have specific books in mind, randomly pulling books off the shelves... a frustrating process producing few quality books to be checked out.

Here are a few gems we found and recommend... the first is a board book and the rest are picture books.

The Big Book of Beautiful Babies Board Book by David Ellwand
Actually a small board book, Justin loved the pictures of the babies and loved practicing the opposites.

Hush Little Digger by Ellen Olson-Brown
is sung to the tune of "Hush Little Baby." How amusing to sing about trucks to the soothing tune of a lullaby! The illustrations by Lee White were fun and modern.

The Wheels on the School Bus by Mary-Alice Moore
is a modern take on the traditional song, including all our favorite school characters such as "The librarian on the bus says read more books!" etc. Its illustrations, by Laura Huliska-Beith, are also fun and modern. It's a fun book to play an "I spy" type of game with your child, "Who is wearing purple glasses?" or "Where is the basketball?"

Full, Full, Full of Love by Trish Cooke
is about beloved Sunday dinners at Grandma's house from the grandson's point of view. Its joyful and sing-songy... and the illustrations by Paul Howard are precious, leaving me wanting to jump in that grandma's lap! Seriously, her eyes are so comforting and her lap so squooshy-looking!

Goodnight Me, Goodnight You, by Tony Mitton
ends a long term search of mine to find a book as well-written, calming, simple, and easy-to-read as Big Red Barn and Goodnight Moon, by Margaret Wise Brown. (Thanks for the gift of that book, Aunty Bets!) I almost gave up until I found this jewel! The rhyme is so beautiful and the modern pictures (illustrated by Mandy Sutcliffe) are captivating. I'd love to own this one! It was my favorite out of the bunch.

This Way, Ruby!, by Jonathan Emmett
is one of a series of books about Ruby Duck, the late bloomer. We loved the tales of this sweet duck, slower in speed but faster to "stop and smell the flowers" than her siblings. I loved being reminded to care more about quality than quantity, slow moments than efficiency.

Smash! Mash! Crash! There Goes The Trash! by Barbara Odanaka
is perfect for all the kids out there who love a good garbage truck. I love books like these that embellish everyday situations- making them even more fun and interesting for children and for us. As demonstrated in the title, this book masters onomatopoeia and alliteration.

"Two Little Monkey's Jumping on the Bed!"

2007-07-17T10:44:00.000-07:00

Today I was pushing Justin and his friend Tian in the double stroller. My friend Lorraine (Tian's Mommy) was pushing Nathan behind me. It was hot. We were all sweaty. I was bee-lining for home where I would promptly lower the air conditioner and refill all our water bottles and sippy cups with cold water. ("coll wada!")

I was daydreaming about these next moves of mine when out of the corner of my eye, I barely noticed Justin stretching his neck out of the stroller, trying to look back at something unbeknownst to me. I promptly stopped the stroller and turned it towards the direction he was looking. I followed his gaze to a mattress store-- whose store front was covered with new mattresses. An employee was carrying them in one by one.

Justin was fascinated. The sheer number of mattresses in one location, the fact they were outside, watching the employee actually pick them up--- because of some or all of those reasons, it was all so new and curious to him. He proclaimed "Bed!" and "Night Night!" Lorraine laughed in delight, explaining she was touched by the fact that he made the connection between the beds and night night.

A few thoughts--
One, it's always a gift when a friend notices something about your child and subsequently complements and enjoys them. Thanks, Lorraine. I want to be more like that.

Secondly, I almost missed it! I'm so thankful the Lord prevented me from getting too lost in my own thoughts. The experience makes me want to keep slowing down and to be more present to notice the little things, the little significant moments in my boys' lives... in order to nurture their hearts and minds, to enjoy them, and to perhaps most importantly-- to let them know that I enjoy them, that I want to experience all those moments with them. The Lord certainly enjoys and notices all the little thing about me- including knowing how many hairs are on my head. He delights in me and sings over me. I hope to reflect the Lord's love for us in that way.

Lord, give me eyes to see, notice, and enjoy all the little hairs on Justin's and Nathan's heads, and all the little moments you give me in general in life.

Banana Bread Recipe

2007-07-14T11:10:00.000-07:00

Here's another favorite in our house. It's a recipe I got from either Ashley or Cheyenne, thanks you two! I use it so often and I can't remember from which one the recipe originated. I love it because it's full of healthy goodies like wheat flour, wheat germ, and flax seed mill (which Justin calls, "fax seed MILL!" hilarious to me that he knows what this ingredient is!). So it's guilt free and everyone always raves about its taste, from the toddler to the retiree-- even people as old as my Aunt Betsy. ;)

This banana bread is a staple around here. Justin "helps" me make it. It's so easy and I'm so familiar with the recipe by now that I can handle the unpredictable but precious participation of my toddler. And he loves being such a big help and sticking his fingers in all the flour. Cooking is becoming a regular shared activity for us. Last week he even ran inside from playing ball outside with Daddy (sorry, Daddy!) when he saw me inside with my apron on. He immediately found his apron and wanted to join in on all the fun. He loves helping, loves that I let him sample what I'm making, and I love the special time with him. An added benefit is that he'll eat almost anything in that setting... even red peppers, cucumbers, and walnuts.

Like everything else, it doubles well (I've been known to quadruple it!) and freezes well. I usually make 2 loaves... eating one and freezing the other or giving it away to a friend. Your's wasn't one of the ones touched with Justin's fingers, I promise. Try it out and let me know what you think!

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Banana Bread
2 eggs, lightly beaten
1 stick of melted, softened
3 over-riped bananas, mashed
1 cup of sugar
pinch of salt
2 cups of wheat flour
2 tsp. baking soda
2 tsp. vanilla
3/4 cups walnuts, chopped
1/4 cup wheat germ
1/4 cup flax seed meal

Mix together and place in a greased loaf pan. Bake @ 350 for 1 hour-1 hour 5 min, or when the middle is cooked. Makes one loaf.
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Wondertime

2007-07-09T05:37:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my dear friend Missy, I have been introduced to a new amazing help for my Mommying. It's a magazine called Wondertime. (Thanks for all the back issues, Missy!) I have generally run away from traditional parenting magazines, finding them way to "should" and "how to" oriented. They bore me and stress me out. This magazine is more reflective, vision-oriented, and generally refreshing. In the words of my friend Jen, mother of 4 children in 4 years, it's like Real Simple with the focus on parenting preschoolers. It's aestheticly beautiful and oh so fun to read. And most importantly, it's helping me appreciate and make the most of all the valuable time I'm getting with my boys.

Here's a jewel from the Feb/Mar 07 issue... from page 16, the editor's note:

"Here are a few pieces of wisdom, collected from our advisory board and others, that have inspired me. I hope they do the same for you:

~Smile more; your face speaks volumes to your child.

~Three things to say more often: "Take your time," "It's not your fault," and "I'm sorry, you're right."

~Listen more, talk less- your child is the best teacher you'll ever have.

~Care as much about other people's children as you do about your own.

~Remember that kids don't learn by having knowledge poured into their brains; they learn by experience and through relationships.

~Expose your child to noble people."

Doug and I had a great time processing these wise words... very convicting and very encouraging to our parenting. They served as great reminders to us as we seek to be loving parents both to our children and to the world's children. We are encouraged to remember that we get to rely on the Lord's strength to help us love both.

A New Way To Spend Our Evenings

2007-07-07T11:28:00.000-07:00

It can happen so easily. The boys are put to bed. Doug and I sigh, "Ahhhh, the boys are contained." We allow ourselves a couple minutes to catch our breath and then we are off to work on our to-do lists.

For me, the list includes catching up on emails and blogs, planning meals, cooking, phone calls, folding laundry, decluttering, etc. In my dream life, I try to do these things during the day so that Doug and I have our evenings to spend together... but all to often they seem to spill over into "overtime."

Doug's list includes planning the next home improvement project, doing a home improvement project, working through receipts and bills, making a trip to Lowe's, decluttering, etc.

These tasks aren't bad tasks, and obviously there are times when they must happen during the evening. But all to often, these tasks keep us from resting and prevent us from spending real time together, even as we're actually only a few feet from one another.

Thankfully, last night, the Lord gave us a birds' eye view of what has become all to "normal" in our home in the evening. We decided to work on directing our home improvement efforts to ourselves.

The new gift we give to each other is reading together. We are finally reading a book we have heard to be the "be all end all" marriage book from way too many people we respect, The Mystery of Marriage, by Mike Mason. Last night we read the prologue aloud to each other. The book's beautiful writing coming from my husband's lips made me become one with the couch. It was so relaxing and refreshing!

There is something really dear about reading aloud. I'm attracted to this method as it's very inefficient. It'll take us longer to finish this book; we'll get much less "done" this way. But for us, who are way too focused on efficiency and output, reading orally will be one more gift.

We loved getting Mason's thoughts on marriage and thinking of them together. On page 21 of the prologue Mason says,

"Marriage stands at the very hub of this exciting spiritual dialectic, for it is, as Paul points out, a cameo dramatization of the relationship of the whole church with its Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. This is the territory which this book seeks to explore, this dynamic correspondence between marriage and the great invisible realities of the Christian faith. It is not a "how-to" book so much as a "how-come" book, a meditative inquiry into the spiritual foundations upon which marriage is built."

And so my beloved and I get to kill many birds with one stone... we gain a break from our household tasks, time with one another, the chance to experience life a bit more fully and "inefficiently," and the chance to grow in our most precious earthly relationship.

A Barn Raising

2007-06-30T17:02:00.000-07:00

That is exactly what it felt like at Chez Flaherty today.

Our neighborhood care group* poured into our house and helped us finish all of our painting. They painted our kitchen, the hallway to our bedroom, the master bathroom, and the rotary hallway to the boys' rooms... including all the doors and windows.

It is amazing to me how much work can get done in such a short amount of time when you let others help you. We have worked countless hours renovating this house and our former house. In doing so, we have been so blessed by friends who have come along side us to paint, tile, help hang trim, tear down a wall, and so much more. The work done here today saved us many weekends we now get to use for family time. We're looking forward to more Saturdays we get to devote to helping others with their projects, hiking trips, slow visits to the local Farmers' Market, and maybe even declared "Pajama Days."**

Renovating our house has been a long, slow, stressful journey. True to the old adage (I'm sure this is somewhere in the Bible!), house projects are usually more expensive, more annoying, and more time consuming than you originally planned. We can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Our house-renovating journey started September '06 at closing; now, we're only a few projects away from being DONE. Of course one is never done on some levels, but as far as we're concerned, all significant projects will be behind us. Saturdays, here we come!

So tonight, before we sit on our duffs and take in the deep and culturally significant movie, The Devil Wears Prada, we thank all our friends and family who have put in their share of sweat and muscle. Thanks for your love and support! We would not be finishing without you!

*Our church divides its members into groups by "neighborhoods;" each section of town has its own "NCG." It's a way our church practically and thoughtfully cares for its members.

**Term stolen from my dear friend Keri which describes a day when all members of the family stay in their pajamas all day... only playing and relaxing allowed. I can't wait to try those pajamas on for size!

Summer Eating

2007-06-23T17:03:00.000-07:00

I love those moments when cooking transcends simply being functional, a physical answer to a felt need deep in our bellies. I love those moments when cooking becomes more like an art... when I take a recipe and tweak it to
my cravings,
the fresh food of the season,
the availability of ingredients in my cupboard at the time,
my whims of curiosity.

My cravings.
Today I wanted a summer dish. I wanted something a bit lighter than my typical kitchen journeys took me. Something not necessarily warm.

Fresh food.
Tomatoes tomatoes tomatoes. I LOVE them. I could eat them all day long. I wanted a new use for these seasonal plump red beauties. Another excuse to buy more.

Ingredient availability.
I love saving money and reducing trips to the grocery store. For instance, in the recipe below, I enjoyed subbing in balsamic vinegar for the white wine vinegar. Makes me feel smart to beat the system in this way. I mention below a few of the recipe originals in case they work better for you.

Whims of curiosity.
This trait has the potential to scare roommates and husband. In college, I once used my sandwich maker to make a green bean casserole sandwich. What a better way to use Thanksgiving leftovers, I surmised! I didn't get any takers on that one. Today's curiosity simply led to adding chicken and marinating it in the dressing used in the salad.

The following is a tweak to a recipe I gleaned from a recipe swap* among friends a few days ago.

Spinach Salad with Chicken and Apricot Vinaigrette
serves 8

6 chicken breasts, raw
2 TBL lemon juice
10 oz pkg of fresh spinach
1-2 large tomatoes, sliced
1 small purple onion, thinly sliced
8 oz of large pasta, like ziti or penne, cooked
(1 cup of chopped dried apricots)**
4 oz. shredded cheddar cheese***
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
Apricot Vinaigrette, 1/2 reserved (recipe below)

Sprinkle lemon juice on chicken breasts. Pour 1/2 of apricot vinaigrette on top of chicken, stir until coated, and marinate for several hours or overnight. Cook chicken at 350 degrees for 30 min or until chicken is cooked. Place rest of ingredients up to vinaigrette in a large bowl. Pour in vinaigrette (or adjust amount to taste) and toss gently. Serve on plates topped with sliced chicken breasts.

Apricot Vinaigrette

1 cup olive oil
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
1/4 cup orange juice
1/4 cup apricot jam
1 tsp salt
1 tsp ground coriander
1 tsp freshly ground pepper

Whisk together all ingredients in a small bowl.
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Enjoy! I plan on posting a few other of our family's favorites in the coming weeks. Happy eating!

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*I fully recommend throwing one of these together. Eight of us brought 10 copies of 5 of our favorite recipes... the ones we use on a regular basis- easy and loved by many. We sipped coffee, nibbled dessert, and shared our recipes and cooking hints with one another.

**I didn't have these but I kept them on my tweaked recipe as they would definitely be a welcomed addition.

***Original recipe called for crumbled feta or goat cheese.

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Monday Mornin' Blues

2007-06-17T17:14:00.001-07:00

It's not even Monday yet and I already have the Monday morning blues.

I guess it's a sign of a good weekend.

Good Mommy and Daddy time. Not checking off the to-do list after the boys are in bed. A local restaurant's "death by chocolate" cake. A foot massage. Good conversation. Good cuddlin' to Casino Royale. (We recommend, by the way.) Laughing at our boys. Celebrating the Daddy my husband has been, is, and will be. Honoring him, enjoying him, spoiling him. Enough space in our schedule to just be.

Good time with the boys. We took them to the local farmer's market where Justin loves to run around in the small field of pinwheels. We bought local jam, squash, tomatoes, and our first tomato plant. (We'll see how that goes.) We each held a baby during church, as long as they would last. While we missed some details of the worship service, we treasured the closeness. We ran around with mixing bowls on our heads, played the new drums passed down from our friends, ate pizza while we watched the U.S. Open, worked on sharing our toys, enjoyed Nathan's laughing at Justin's antics.

Good time with friends. This week, two friends and their families drove up from the town I lived in before here. What a blessing to be with each other... old friends... friends who knew each other pre-k... pre-kids. Sprinkled into the child managing was wonderful conversation. We even took in local food from the local burrito place at the end of our street and the local Denny's (kids eat free, remember?!). ha. And the latter part of this afternoon we played at our (local) friend's house. Their house is like a mini vacation for us. The daddies threw a Frisbee (usually avoiding the kids) and the mommies caught up about life, while the kids played in the romantic creek that divides their yard.

And now the daily grind starts back up. I never thought I would have the Monday mornin' blues when I wasn't working (much)! I just figured the days would roll into each other and each day would feel like the weekend. How wrong I was! Tomorrow morning I must share my husband with the campus... a job and life I share a heart for, usually. However, right now I have more of a heart for me... for the weekend and the break and the in between. I have the "I wantsies." Right now I want more of right now.

A Post for Nathan

2007-06-07T12:30:00.000-07:00

You're my second child. My second son.

Second in birth order.
Your big brother preceded you by 18 months. A lifetime of age difference now; a blink of an eye in 18 years.

Second to receive my attention.
Today your brother stood up on a chair- again for the umpteenth time. At the same time, you had pushed yourself backwards... gotten yourself stuck under a chair. I left you in your desperate condition to give your brother some unwanted feedback before I returned to rescue you. Such is the reality of the second child.

Second in our experience in parenting.
This can be a good thing and a bad thing... I think I'll let this topic be another post for another day!

But you share first place to receive our love as our child.
I wondered if I could love another as much as your big brother. You proved that notion wrong the moment we first met at your birth. I stood holding you... dumbfounded; it was as if I didn't think the pregnancy and labor process would actually lead to a real baby this time. Hormones, emotions, and physical fatigue taking over this mama, I cried and asked, "How am I going to take care of another child?!" I was struck by the reality of your preciousness , your unique createdness, the gift you were to our family, your neediness of all of us in order to help ground you in this great big world. I wanted you to know-- every minute-- how much you are loved and to always feel secure in that love. In that moment, I realized how important you were and how incapable I was of loving you like you deserve and of meeting all of your needs.

I was once again overwhelmed by the love parents have for their children. And thankfully needy and aware I could love you Not in my own strength. Just as you needed me to rescue you from underneath the chair, I needed and need the Lord to rescue me- the dreadfully lacking parent- from my needy position every moment of every day. I need Him to give me the strength and ability to love you. I need Him to love you through me.

Thankfully, the Lord has come and enabled us to love you. And He continues to offer restoration and forgiveness when we push Him away and don't love you well. He always comes back, just as we commit to always coming back to you. He's helping us verb-love you and not just adjective-love you, which was so automatic from the beginning.

By the way, your big brother Justin adores you. At times he feels threatened by your increasing interest in toys first owned by him; sorry about that. We're working on that. Hopefully you're soaking in the moments when he takes your toys to you! But I can also see his enjoyment and love of you. Today found him copying your new talent by scooting backwards on the floor right alongside you. You were both so happy next to each other. When you awake from sleep, he immediately exclaims, "Hi Baby!" and rushes in your room to greet you in your bed. If he's the first in his car seat, he asks, "Baby?" and makes sure we didn't forget you... (this is actually a very helpful reminder.) I love watching you respond to him with gut-wrenching laughter. It blesses me to no end to see your interactions and love for each other deepen. I pray that your relationship will always be as close as your genetic composition.

Today we shared a moment together. You awoke early from a nap and were obviously still tired. As I lay you on the couch, you quietly watched the movement of trees in the wind outside. Already tired and wooed in by your content and quiet spirit, I joined you on that couch. You sucked your thumb and stared into my eyes as you drifted off to sleep.

We were closer than close. I loved that rare uninterrupted time together. I loved staring at your beautiful face, your plump forearms, your twitching little lips. I loved smelling your baby breath. When I awoke, I found my drool on your shoulder.

It was then that I remembered a very important Truth. This side of heaven, all great things come to an end at some point. Even though one can make lemons into lemonade, that lemonade eventually spills, gets sticky, even rots.

There I was, enjoying our shared nap, but confronted by my ever-growing need to relieve myself of the day's beverages. My shoulder and arm had unfortunately joined our slumber and were tingly and increasingly sore to the point of pain. And I had to put aside the fear of awaking you to relieve my own needs.

I had to peel our skin apart as I gracefully arose in an attempt to not awake you. Thankfully, you stayed asleep; this lemon only turned to lemonade today... the rotting largely postponed until a later date.

As I met my personal needs, I gratefully considered my love for you and our special moment together.

Nathan, this Sunday we baptize you. We formally and publicly welcome you into our Church family. We mark you with water, reflecting our hope that the Lord would indeed continue to be faithful to our family by pursuing you into relationship with Him as you grow as a boy and someday even as a man. Sometimes sweet as honey and usually as sour as lemons, we, your Mommy and Daddy, stand before our church family and ask them to help us raise you unto the Lord.

We love you so much Nathan and are so thankful the Lord has graced us with the gift that you are!!

My Cousin Went Home from the Hospital!

2007-04-29T17:37:00.000-07:00

Celebrate with us... my precious cousin Hillary was discharged today from the hospital. We're all so thrilled and thankful. Click link on sidebar to get more details and to see great photos of their departure. Thanks to the Lord... and let's keep praying!

It took an old CD and a Pound Cake

2007-04-27T18:26:00.000-07:00

to get me in the mood to write again. Like my dear friend, I too feel like I need to reintroduce myself after this long retreat. "Hi audience of 3 and lurkers, Rachel here-- husband of my sweetie and 2 dear sons, very very very part-time campus minister, etc. etc.etc.!"

I've been appropriately sidetracked by important things like my cousin's diagnosis and the VA Tech shootings. I've also chosen to dive into some less noble but still important items around here like spending some good time with my precious Doug (well, that would be noble time-spending, actually), cooking, organizing, and even some early-to-bed nights. Wanting to write has been far down on the list, which has resulted in some writer's block when the desire has hit. Anyway, here I am...

Things have gotten a little wild at chez Flaherty. Tonight I dove into a hobby from my "old life" B.K. (before kids)... baking. I even switched the cd in my portable cd player! I think Jack Johnson's In Between Dreams has been living there for at least 6 months. I pulled out my "old" Sixpence's Divine Discontent and was taken to another world. I'm not certain what was a greater gift, the act of daydreaming itself or the other worlds to which I was taken. I don't have the space for daydreaming much these days, so I was so grateful for the ways these two physical elements drew me into the metagination- my new word of the day. And by it I mean... a place to which I could travel in my head... a place of memories of the past, a place of creating in the present/future.

I was drawn to remember two dear friends with whom I spent much time when I first owned the cd. Interesting how music can do that to you. Memories of long conservations at coffee shops, on campus couches, and even in my humid basement vividly suctioned to my mind.

One was an intern I was training at the time and the other was a student I was discipling. Both now are amazing women on staff, both have huge and exciting things going on right now in their lives. Both live at far enough distance I can't spend the time I long to spend with them while they have these exciting things going on... so it was a nourishing to spend quality time with them in my head- if I can call it as such. According to this song, "If I were a Painter", Nora Jones says I can! I love you Allison and Karen! It was great to see you on this night.

And then I was pulled to the world of creating. Maybe it was the creating of the pound cake that brought my mind and heart to a place of wanting to create more. Flour, sugar, nutmeg, vanilla & almond flavoring, butter, milk, eggs... apart they are not so great, really. Together they make something beautiful and really tasty.

I've been longing for deeper Bible study in my life. Maybe it's my ministry background, maybe it's my vocation- which takes less and less time these days. Maybe it's the raw fact that I'm rarely in It myself these days.

Maybe it's my longing for the Scriptures that never seems to get met in the "Bible studies" I find myself in that are more about fellowship and sharing--- totally important things and nourishing in and of themselves, to be sure. But they often leave my love for the Scriptures unrequited.

Being ministry-minded is a blessing and a curse. I can't sit in my longing for long before I start wondering--- "maybe I should do something about this." So I began to create...

So the creating I did in my head while Leigh Nash was singing and my mixer was spinning was a Bible study that looked at parents in the Scriptures. Abraham and Isaac came to mind. And folks in the Gospels that brought their wounded children to Jesus. And even Jesus' teaches about leaving and hating your father and mother. I found myself longing to sit in these Stories with my woman friends and longing to be met as a Mommy and as a daughter by the Creator of all little and big stories.

It felt good. Anyone want to join me? Apart we are not so great, really. Together, we could make something beautiful and really tasty. Bring your paint brush and let's go!

A Post for Hillary during the Fight of her Life

2007-04-07T17:54:00.000-07:00

My dear cousin Hillary is suddenly in the fight of her life. She was diagnosed on Thursday with acute myeloid leukemia. A couple of weeks ago doctors thought she simply had mono. She self diagnosed at the beginning of the week after looking up her symptoms on wikipedia; doctors confirmed this diagnosis Thursday with blood tests. Thursday evening, she began the first of several rounds of chemotherapy. A few basic facts for those who don't know her... Hillary is 30 years old, lives and works in the San Francisco area, and in October married her beloved Chris.

This post is for you and your family, Hill.

Anyone who can self diagnose reflects a resourcefulness and love of life needed to fight such a disease. And you have that. You keep making sure those docs are on top of things!!

I remember when you backpacked Europe after college, by yourself. I've always seen you as a strong and courageous woman!

In elementary school you had a miniature pointillism painting on your mirror. Your love for art began at an early age. You see beauty in life that so many of us pass.

Around the time of middle school, you heard about how animals were treated in their preparation for us to eat. Out of a hurt and conviction for their welfare, you became vegetarian... and you have stuck with that all this time. Most of us in middle school were consummed with fleeting things like how to make our bangs as high as possible. You, however, exhibited a heart of deep compassion that was willing to live out your convictions.

Hillary, you are such an intelligent, compassionate, beautiful, and committed woman, one that I am proud to also call cuz. I stand with everyone who loves you and cheer you on during this, the fight of your life.

On the eve of Easter, may you know and understand in a unique way how God has special blessings for the sufferer. As you, and therefore those who love you, suffer, may you become like Him- who suffered for us on the Cross... may you allow your suffering to lead to abundant life both here and in eternity. May God, the Giver of Life, give you new physical and spiritual life that exceeds anything you could ask for or imagine! (see "footnote.")

Across cyberspace I send you much love and a host of my friends who are joining me in prayer for you, Hillary. And I also send much love to those closest to you... Chris- your beloved husband with whom you long to "share a permanent pillow", your Mom and Dad- who loved you their youngest daughter before they even knew you, and to Stevie... your sister and best friend whom you have longed to be beside your whole life. God's most precious blessings to you all!

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"7 But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. 10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.
12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
(Philippians 3: 7-14)
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Thoughts from Hebrews 10

2007-04-02T04:57:00.000-07:00

With heavy eyelids and a warm cup of coffee in my hands, I read Hebrews 10 this morning. It was a refreshing chapter... partly because it was a bit less complicated and more straightforward than previous, more confusing chapters, at least for this twice baby-brained mommy.

And partly because it was so blasted encouraging. The author reminds us that Christ's sacrifice was required once. Sacrificing bulls and goats no longer has to happen. Jesus' body Himself replaced that act, one time.

Encouraging to me today because:
It happened once; it's done, finished. I don't have to repeat and save up my bulls or banana bread given to neighbors or quiet times in the Word or polite thoughts or spiritual revelations in the hopes that they might save me in and of themselves, any longer. No more day after day sacrifices. No more wondering if this one will really take. One time and it was done.

Not only was it only once, the sacrificing of that one time didn't even have to be done by me. I didn't have to save up for that one last sacrifice myself, putting all that I had on the line-- one painful sacrifice that I just had to hope was good enough for our Creator. No. It was one time.

And the one who required the sacrifice actually gave the sacrifice this time. The Lord. Who gave Himself.

And somehow I complain that this life, this christian life, is hard. How can I think following the Lord is hard when I don't have to do anything in and of myself to receive His eternal atonement. To receive His love, His grace, forgiveness, His indwelling inside me. He did it once. And He did it.

I think I have a little deeper understanding that the Lord loves us SO much. To quote the way we write in emails, "soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much." :)

Lord, help me receive your love anew today. And use it to mold me as your daughter who more and more wants to drop everything to follow you and love you back.

The Magic Hour

2007-03-25T17:52:00.000-07:00

I love the hour or so around dusk. I hear photographers call it the "magic hour..." when almost anything you shoot turns out really well. I love how everything seems to glow in the soft light. I love that if you're out in it, you want to stop, look around, and soak it all in.

While there are those types of "magic hours" every day, I like to think there are similar magical hours in our family's life. Moments that are a predictable but special and able to be enjoyed nonetheless. While they are as common as dirt, you have to be ready and present for them or you'll take them for granted, miss them. Everyday moments I pray that the Lord would give me open eyes, ears, and a heart for.

I had several of the above moments with Nathan this weekend. I attended a women's retreat with my church and he came along with me. I cherished this time alone with my second son... who every day waits for big brother to go first. Nathan, my son- a male, was a highlight of my time on a women's retreat... go figure! I loved having him all to myself and giving him all of my attention. Although there was baby equipment for him, I preferred to keep him on my lap. I must have kissed those smooth, warm, and fluffy cheeks 10,000 times. His responsive giggles and nuzzles convinced me as much. I thrived in that special time between the two of us.

Much less often are those very special moments that surprise me in the life of my family. The moments of sudden deep connection that goes beyond any human comprehension. They happen to me very infrequently. These moments broadside me; whether I am paying attention or not, they melt me, floor me. They again remind me that there is someOne much bigger than I orchestrating such beautiful moments.

Tonight at the end of dinner, Doug was swinging on the porch swing with a tired Nathan and I was waiting for a tired Justin to finish his dinner. And it happened. Justin and I were playing a game where I make a face and he imitates me. We were cracking up at each other's faces... sincerely and fully enjoying each other's company. Between the faces, Justin would gaze into my eyes, waiting for the next face I was to make. But a few of those pauses lingered. I felt like we were staring into each other's souls. I felt like we were both ageless... I was not 31 and he was not almost 2. I wasn't even Mommy and him son. To watch a video of the moment, you would have missed it. It was internal, a moment my gut told me was happening. And it was beautiful.

While very different, both types of moments are special in their own way. And to experience both this weekend with my sons, I am grateful.

Happy Birthday, Missy

2007-03-19T18:38:00.000-07:00

Today's post is written in honor of my blogging inspiration, Missy. Tuesday is her birthday and so I want her to wake up and see a post in her honor.

As I clear out the cobwebs in my brain, I remember our first lunch date at Trio on Main Street in Greenville. I had just relocated to Greenville and had no friends. I was anxious for a good buddy... one of those girlfriends you can spontaneously call or talk with for hours, one within whose home you can feel your cares melting away. Through witty conversation, thoughtful questions, and a calm presence, Missy started to be that friend that day.

So many wonderful memories...
long conversations while I procrastinated from work

praying together at your kitchen table

sifting through dates and men, getting your good exhortation and wisdom

watching Fight Club with you and John

holding Joshua at 1 day old

laughing and crying together over various Greenville cultures.... Furman, church, etc.

seeing the beginning of your scrapbooking and your photography, and watching it blossom through now

experiencing your listening ear as my heart began to fall for my Doug

living with you guys for several days just before my wedding... and Joshua having a reaction to meds which kept him (and all of us) up all night :)

having you stand with me as my matron of honor as I married my beloved

receiving your counsel when we've needed it over the years

Missy, thanks for your friendship, your sisterhood. Thanks for sharing your life with me, and for diving into mine. Thanks for your consistent pursuit. Thanks for enlarging my vision for being a wife, a mommy, a disciple, and a responsible citizen.

While reaching another milestone of a birthday is no fun as you consider the years going by with your boys, I hope and pray you'll take comfort knowing you have engaged them in all ways deeply. May all your precious memories fuel an excitement, a joy, and a vision to grow with them in all the years to come! I love you friend! Happy Birthday!

Hip Rider

2007-03-18T05:05:00.000-07:00

Doug's parents are in town, so after (we thought) the kids were sound asleep, we went out for a little date. It turned out that both were up for a while. Glad I didn't know until we came home!

We had planned on going somewhere for dessert and coffee, when Doug suggested we go to BedBathBeyond to look for new knives and a few other things on our list. (We lost all our knives in our move... they are probably in some strange box now put in a place unknown to us--- like under Nathan's bed or something.) A goofy grin spread over my face at the suggestion of spending an evening combing its isles.

You see, Doug and I have inordinate amounts of fun when we go to a place like that without kids for a "date." I'm not sure what it is. We've had lots of talking time several evenings this week, so having a shared experience was perfect.

So we gathered up all 31 20%-off BBB coupons my mother mailed us (do you know they don't actually EVER expire?) and engaged in flirtatious bumps of the elbow and inappropriate words spoken loudly as others walked by.

One of the things on our list was a laundry basket. The only one they sold (we thought it humorous they only sold one kind... probably due to all the infomercial stuff crammed in their isles) was titled "Hip Rider." It has an indention on one side sit "comfortably" on your hip. That was just too much for Doug. "Here woman! Try it out, right where it belongs on ya!" One reason why it is so funny is because it is so far from Doug's character to force that role one me, even so literally.

I'm certain these types of exchanges between my beloved and me cannot be retold in a way understood or appreciated by the lot of the world. That is one thing precious between lovers. Love looks so foolish from the outside. What a gift it is to experience foolishness to vividly on the inside.

If you care to share-and its appropriate for our ears!, what are foolish things experienced by you and your lover?

From Bob to Fish, Ducks, and Feet

2007-03-15T10:59:00.000-07:00

Books are littered all over our den and Justin's room. The light is no longer at the end of the tunnel; we are now lit ourselves!

The past several days have been difficult for Justin and thus, for us. The trip out of town and the move have been harder on him than we had anticipated. He has argued "no no!" through tears against much of the direction we gave him. We've been hitting our heads against walls (sometimes literally) and leaning on the Lord for that extra pound of patience, love, wisdom, and compassion. He helped us know when to be consistent and when to be flexible with our rules. He showed up with grace for all of us when we were at the end of our ropes.

Over the last few months, the occasional "relief" video turned into a palpable addiction. Justin always wanted more "Bob!" (the Builder- kinda funny with our lot in life these days!) and started not even wanting to watch it, but always wanting more anyway. We've had many of those moments when your toddler does not make sense and you just gotta tell them you love them and wait for them to move past the season. He had stopped playing with his toys or reading his books. "Bob!" was all he wanted.

So, upon return from Charlotte and into our new pad, we decided to purge our system of "Bob!" (Sometime we'll bring "Bob!" back after it seems a healthy time to do so.) Justin's asking for it less and less. And today while I was nursing Nathan (previously- ample "Bob!" time), Justin sat contentedly on the floor in front of me paging through a pile of books he retrieved from his "wooom!" He's back to loving books and requesting his favorites, currently "The Rainbow Fish" (with the "ish" and the "ah pus pus"-octopus), "Some Ducks", and "The Foot Book."

So we are feeling blessed at the Flaherty household.

Seeking Paint Color Advice

2007-03-13T19:10:00.000-07:00

Two posts in one night, a new record.

Do ya'll remember our old master bdrm? Deep lavendar velvet duvet on bed, dark "antiquey" green furniture, light lavendar/grey walls... silver and white accents, grey carpet. Very monochrome.

We still have our lavendar velvet duvet and the same furniture. Probably not liked by all, but hey- we love it. I just bought on sale on sale on sale again- the 20%off coupon from BedBathBeyond... beautiful sparkly lav and silver throw pillows for bed. The floors will be medium dark oak hardwoods.

Help me w/paint colors! I want less lavendar and more grey, but i'm not sure. we're thinking of adding a chair rail... and having a more grey/little lavendar wall... maybe a darker shade on the bottom and lighter of the same color above the chair rail. But that might be kinda busy. What do you think? or should we have same color above and below chair rail? Or should I put lav on bottom and some creamy white/neutral color on the top? I would appreciate ANY and all feedback on this one... particularly from you Missy. My blog spouse. :) Or as Doug just proclaimed, "my blouse."

Oops I Did It Again

2007-03-13T18:44:00.000-07:00

I have this problem of saying stupid things.

There was the time I was shopping for bras at the outlet malls in Williamsburg. I knew there were two different Maidenform stores--- for different sized women. I walked into one and asked the clerk if this was the store selling the "normal" sized bras. She, who happened to be bountiful in every way physically, replied, "I prefer to say 'average,' because otherwise that would mean I'M abnormal."

There was the time I spoke at USC's large group meeting about the book of Ruth. I was trying to explain the cultural background of the interaction between Ruth and Boaz... trying to explain how she wasn't asking for sex. All appropriate words describing sex vacated my mind... including intercourse, making love, even the word "sex" itself. Instead what bumbled out of my mouth to these young and previously innocent college students was "She wasn't trying to get him to.... do the nasty." Where I had heard that phrase I had no idea. Probably some movie I saw as a teenager from which I buried the phrase for such a time as this.

And yesterday I did it again. This time in the privacy of my own home. Home alone with the boys, I was eager to get out of the for a few minutes while Justin slumbered during his afternoon nap. I carried Nathan to the back of the house to check out the work being done on our addition. As I admired their work, I noticed our contractor was the only one there today, which was unusual. Without thinking, I asked him, "So are you here alone?" Right after it came out of my mouth, I realized it could sound like a come on. Especially since it was obvious that I was home with only the boys. I quickly gave a few complements of the work and made my way back to the front of the house.

Gives me lots of blog fodder for years to come!

Sweet Potato Pie

2007-03-11T17:32:00.000-07:00

is currently in my tummy. You might think making homemade pie was my next attempt to feel at home in our new digs. Although the pie describes itself as "fresh," be assured that it was "fresh" out of a Mrs. Smiths box. My latest Grocery Game deal. Yummy and easy.

Curious what was in this frozen treat, I was pleasantly surprised to find sweet potatoes as the first ingredient. Who knew? I decided not to read on... I think the ingredient list was a good 25% of the back of the box. At this moment I am okay about eating things like sorbate, artificial colors, and high fructose corn syrup... all at 18 grams of fat per serving- no trans fat though... so it must be healthy. I guess you can tell I decided to go ahead and read the box. Anyway...

More and more, Doug and I are trying to eat more healthy and responsibility. You live in Asheville long enough and its organic/local food thrush will grow on you. We only buy organic milk for us and Justin, after hearing about the hormones fed to (unorganic) cows . Our many vegetarian students are starting to make a lot of sense about their choices. We're not ready to give up our bacon, but ready to consider decreasing the amount of meat we consume for our own health and for the sake of caring better for the earth. Our latest conviction is to buy organic, free-trade, shade-grown coffee.

But I'm on the fence in many ways. I loved my slice of frozen, never-gonna-spoil Mrs. Smith's pie today. And I refuse to let anyone or anything let me feel guilty about it!

Last night, Doug and I enjoyed dinner at (gasp!) Denny's... and really enjoyed that kids eat free on Saturday night... for any amount of kids by the way. After overeating pork scraps(sausage), bad coffee, too much butter, syrup, and eggs, Doug exclaimed, "I think we'll be that family that eats at Denny's every night." I'm kinda so embarrassed that we would even consider such a thing... but kind of intrigued as well.

While I respect and appreciate the organic vision-- for our health and the environment, I'm at this point unwilling to shift more money from other areas in our budget in order to go all organic. But I do feel the tension. Do you?

If you would like to share, what are the areas regarding health that you have developed a conviction for? What are the areas in which you've decided to be lackadaisical?

At Home

2007-03-09T12:35:00.000-08:00

We've recently been in the long process of moving into our new home. The process begun in September at the closing and continues to the present. We just moved in last week. We're all here--- all 4 of us and all our stuff, but the addition is incomplete so we won't be completely settled for a bit more.

The second day here, I told Doug that I was surprised at how quickly I felt at home here. I felt such a sigh of relief to be at this point after all of the work we've done. I loved the coziness of the place even then, and loved the view of a street bursting with bungalows from our large front porch.

Since those first couple days, I've been to Charlotte and back to get the boys and me out of dodge while Doug immersed himself in some "nonchild-friendly" projects.

Upon returning, I've realized that the initial feelings of "at home" have largely relocated. They've been replaced by some unwelcommed tenants of stress and restlessness.

Why?
I don't have a routine for this place yet. I have no place for my keys. Justin, routine-boy, isn't yet telling me what next thing to do or where things should go.

My stuff hasn't all found a home. Until the addition (master bedroom, bath, and rest of kitchen) is complete, our furniture will be stuffed in some unlikely places... so we can't yet hang pictures and that kind of thing since everything will be shifted.

My days have been filled with much different activities of late. Things like doing laundry (our laundry room isn't quite finished- hopefully tomorrow!) and preparing food (part of the kitchen including my oven is blocked for dry-wall sanding currently) used to fill my day to the brim. Now, I'm shipping my laundry to some friends-saints really- to do for us, eating lots of canned/frozen food, etc. These are chores I definitely didn't googoo over, but they were a part of my daily activities... structures in which I found "homeyness" that I oddly miss. And, obviously, I haven't been able to write on my blog!

I don't know the how this street runs quite yet. We don't have nicknames for all the neighbors yet, don't know the peculiarities of the culture of this street.

Many of my hopeful thoughts about the neighborhood have been replaced with negativity. The Family Dollar down the street, which reflects the socio-economic diversity of the area, used to make me excited about living amidst the cultural variety that Asheville offers. Now, it's ugly and annoying. And I find my flesh hoping the neighborhood would "progress" to a point where it wouldn't need such an establishment in its midst. And I wonder how I can avoid naming it as a landmark upon giving friends directions to our pad.

So where does that leave me? Sharing these thoughts with you, with the Lord, with my husband. I know I love a God who longs that I know Him more deeply. And as I clung to Him today, He gratefully reminded me some truth....

That my reality, my settledness, how I feel at home... isn't dependent upon hung pictures but upon His Reality... His Gospel, His plan for our life here, His love for me, His redemption. With that said, I'm certain he wouldn't be angry or humored by my feelings... I'm sure He'd understand with compassion all that I'm feeling. But I think if I could sit down for a cuppa joe with Him, He'd graciously listen all the while graciously redirecting my thoughts to these Realities. And I think He'd encourage my love for order-- while also reminding me to use it to bless but not to lean on it for strength and hope.

And I think I'd ask Him to tell me all that He loves about my new neighborhood.
And I imagine Him never finishing.

Five Years

2007-02-24T17:05:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Doug and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary! Yeah us! We're celebrating this week by moving into our new digs.... that's why I've been absent lately. And while I'll probably be absent for a while.

But I want to take a sec and thank my precious husband for...

taking the risk to ask me out 6+ years ago

admitting he was wrong about something during our first little fight- spoke volumes to me about his character

not letting September 11th scare or distract him from proposing

jumping ship and joining "my" organization

being such an amazing question asker and listener

being so hot but still not really knowing it

frequently buying me very expensive dark chocolate

being such a fun and loving Daddy to our boys

always expressing how much we have to look forward to in the years ahead in our marriage.

I love you sweetie!

Incarnational Parenting

2007-02-18T17:32:00.000-08:00

One thing I love about Jesus is how he did ministry "incarnationally." How he didn't just "talk" ministry, but how He lived it. He didn't just teach about loving the poor for example, he restored the poor and disenfranchised through healing them, spending time with them, etc.

Have you seen that commercial where a father is doing some house project (repairing a pipe under the sink I think) and his son asks to help? Initially, the father turns him away- probably wanting to get the project completed quickly. But, after consideration, he invites his son to come help by holding the flashlight. I definitely can't retell it as beautifully as the commercial shows it, but be assured that it brings me to tears. There's something so precious about that kind of quality time between a parent and their child. That son wanted nothing more than to be important and help his Daddy- it was beautiful to be reminded how much our kids look up to us.

Tonight, Justin was struggling with his cold, with being tired, with being stuck in the house, with not liking our choice for his dinner, etc. Spring won't come quickly enough to chez Flaherty! Doug went to work adding felt pads underneath our chairs... mumbling about how he was meeting the "felt needs" of the chairs-- hardy har har. Anyway, he invited Justin to help him and you would've thought he had asked Justin to drive his car. He was so excited. He took his jobs very seriously that Daddy gave him and maintained a level of focus only found in an older child.

Throughout the day, Justin begs me to play with him if I'm not already. He's forever saying "Mommy!" and pointing to the floor. He forbids me from sitting on the couch- such a large distance from his play. He wants me down on the floor experiencing his world at his eye level... with him.

I learned that while Justin loves playing with his toys, more than anything he likes to spend time with his Daddy and Mommy, doing whatever we are doing. I would hypothesize that when we make good choices to "incarnationally parent," we'll love, nurture, and teach our boys more than we could ever pass on through our words. It's like the home-based company "Discovery Toys" persists, that "playing with your children is the best investment you'll ever make." It's like that, but you don't even have to buy their expensive toys!

"Mommy! Mommy!"

2007-02-15T16:36:00.000-08:00

There is nothing like hearing your child call your name. When I heard children call for their parents before mine were born, I simply thought of this as communication, noise, demands, etc.

I remember waiting for Justin to first call me Mommy. I was so excited to hear him form those letters into sound, the sound into meaning... so excited to hear his want for me turn to sound from his initiative.

Of course it's not so cute at 2:00 in the morning when you're really wanting him to be sleeping... but anyway...

Tonight as I was nursing Nathan before putting him to bed, I could hear an overtired and virus-ridden Justin calling for "Mommy!" as Daddy was putting him to bed. Usually Doug is the one putting him to bed and Justin loves this time with his Daddy. But tonight he wanted Mommy. And tonight he happened to be going to bed the exact same time I was taken with Nathan.

I found myself wanting to hurry Nathan along so I could go meet Justin's request. But of course this just doesn't work so well. Nathan had to finish when he was ready to finish. And I definitely wanted him to eat until he was satisfied and not once again be placed second to Justin's louder demands. Nathan's needs are so innocent and simple at this point. When Justin was his age, nothing kept me from meeting every one of them. I so wish I could give Nathan that undivided attention. But then again, I so wish I could hurry little Nathan along to run to Justin.

As time ensues, the "Mommy! Mommy!" will only get louder, as Nathan learns to chime in with Justin someday. And then, Lord willing, perhaps another birdy will join the nest and chirp their "Mommy! Mommy!" as well.

And I'll feel torn, and I'll hurt that I can't be with each of them. And I'll love their little crystal clear voices, love feeling their neediness pointed to me in this way, love their childish love of me, love knowing them so well, love being able to meet some of their needs simply with my presence.

And I'll be reminded as I am today that as a human I can only meet their needs to a small degree. And thankful that I don't have to carry the weight of trying to meet needs I can't meet. And grateful that I can lean on One who has my boys in the palm of His hand-- in ways that far exceed what my lap and shoulder can do for them. Grateful I'm in the palm of That Hand as well.

Oh it's such a short season where my boys' want for me is so raw. Someday way too soon, they'll be bored of the simple love I can give, and they'll be chasing after other "lovers"-- buddies, sports, cars, etc. Once again, Lord, help me soak this love up! This is fruit that no one deserves, a gracious and lavish gift... that keeps on giving. Especially if one keeps having children!

Maybe later.
;)

Half empty cups and diapers

2007-02-13T10:08:00.000-08:00

This morning Nathan pooped for the first time in 5-6 days. I won't go into detail... well of course i will-- it was unbelievably huge and pungent. Definitely one that requires a new outfit and an unplanned trip to the washing machine.

In the moments left to my own thoughts- ruled by my flesh, I keep worrying if something is wrong with him, if that's the reason why he's fussy, if he's "gonna blow" while we're out somewhere with poop flying everywhere, etc. I can't simply enjoy the break from messy diaper changes.

On the other hand, in the moments when I'm graced by the Lord's perspective, I relax and enjoy not having to change many poopy diapers (when Justin was Nathan's age he had poopies almost every time I fed him!). I enjoy the fact that he's an efficient eater... taking in a substance that doesn't need to create much waste.

I sure am realizing there are many things like this in the mommy world. I am capable of finding something worthy of worrying about in just about every situation. When my boys suddenly have a night when they sleep much longer than normal, I sit during the additional time and worry if they are sick, smothered, kidnapped, etc.

Thankfully, quite often the Lord breaks through my flesh and by His grace reminds me to enjoy His gift in the situation. Lord, help me to hear You remind me of the gift in all these situations as I mommy my boys! Continue to show me and give me eyes to see that the cup (or diaper) is half full, not half empty. Help me enjoy the seasons of poop and the seasons in between!

Today I also want to bring attention to a fabulous post on my friend Missy's blog... link is to the right. To all those mommies of only sons out there, it's written to us! She beautifully captures the joy of loving our boys.

Going to the Hair Dresser

2007-02-08T10:12:00.000-08:00

Going to get my hair cut used to be just another errand to squeeze into my weekly schedule. It's all very different now. It's like a morning at the spa. An event causing much advanced planning that results in complete relaxation once I'm there.

First I call to find out when my awesome hair dresser is available.
Then I talk to Doug about when he would be available to stay with the boys. (To take one of them with me would defeat the purpose of course.)
Then I call back and make the appointment.
The night before, I try to do a few things to help me get out of the house quicker... go ahead and think of the next night's dinner, pull out new toys for Justin to hopefully give Doug and him a good morning, etc.
The morning of the appointment, I try to time feeding Nathan (never quite works according to plan of course) so that he'll be fine during my extended excursion.
I take a shower- this is my big outing for the week!
I hunt down the check book.
I pack my purse (pulling out the diapers that i won't need this time out).
I top Nathan off.
I try to leave while Justin's still eating breakfast--- usually makes for a smoother dismount.
I kiss my sweet husband and remind him for the upteenth time how he can reach me at Nanette's... as if he doesn't know how to look the # up in my palm.

Then i get in the car, sigh, and take in the world alone from my own view point for the next little while. It's blissful.

I used to never appreciate such moments but of course i wouldn't have. It used to be all about me. Of course, in some ways it really still is--- like this blog for example.

Anyway, there are many ways I see the world differently now that i have little ones. And i wouldn't change a thing. While the moments of physical rest and quiet are few and far between, I'm learning to "rest" even in the midst of the wild chaos around me. And I'm learning to appreciate and be extra thankful for the moments I do have to myself. I think I'm a more thankful person thanks to my children.

A few words about my trip to the hair dresser...
I wanted a new do... i really wanted the hair of a friend of mine. (Isn't that how it is?) We'll call her "Peggy." Peggy has awesome hair. I asked Peggy to email pics of her hair so that i could show my hair dresser. She replied that she couldn't... that she was too embarrassed to do such a thing and couldn't do it w/out "upping her dose." I've definitely stolen that line many times since... and i'm sure it would give her joy if you did too.

I tried to describe the do to my hair dresser, and after she finished w/me, she said: "you tell your friend this is the best we could do w/out her drugs."

The room filled w/laughter. I got a practical need met and a good laugh w/random souls at the hair dresser.

I returned to 3 males on the couch... 2 were supposed to be there and one was being deviant. All were a bit tired, fussy, and glad to have me home. As was I.

And I had a blissful morning.

What Social Services Doesn't Know Can't Hurt Them

2007-02-05T17:37:00.000-08:00

I'm going to write this in a small font... maybe then they won't find me. I'm sure google searches don't pick up "tiny" fonts.

In the last 6 days, the following incidents have occurred to our children while under our care:

Last Wednesday, Justin tried to go down the porch steps forward and landed on his head. (Doug's fault)

Friday, while in a toddler room in a children's museum, Justin found his way out of the enclosed area, through the lobby, and up 15 stairs before I realized he was missing and found him. (my fault)

Saturday was the day of the unfortunate bulbing incident on Nathan. (I still say that was Doug's fault.) (see post if you must)

Today I propped Nathan up in the corner of the couch. While still sitting next to him, I turned away to pick up a toy to show him... only to hear a double thud. The most horrible noise you could imagine. I turned back to find him laying stretched out on our hardwood floor. (This was definitely my fault.) When Daddy came home, i asked Justin to tell Daddy what happened to Nathan, and he ran over to the floor and exclaimed, "DA DA DA!!"

About 20 minutes later, Justin fell out of a chair onto his... you guessed it, his head. (This was Justin's fault.)

Thankfully, everyone is okay... we'll see what tomorrow holds.
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The day after I wrote this, we were responsible for inflicting yet another injury on our children. Doug was cutting Nathan's little finger nails and cut a little skin on his right thumb--- the one he sucks no less. (Thankfully this one adds a tally to Doug's side... i couldn't take another one on mine.)

The Bulb Syringe

2007-02-04T08:16:00.000-08:00

Is a scary tool. Used with caution and in moderation, it can grab that snot blockage keeping your infant from breathing easily. But like most things in life, over-bulbing can cause more harm than good. Ever find blood-tynged mucus from your infant's nose due to over-bulbing?? Now you really know i'm no perfect mother. Come on, admit it... misery loves company! ;0

My first thought this morning was that it must have been Doug's late night bulbing that caused the damage, not mine. ("Lord, it wasn't me but the woman you gave me!") Oh how we run from admitting our mistakes.

Oh, and by the way, anyone ever imagine what it would be like to over-bulb all of your orfices??
I haven't.

Thought of the day: in all things, moderation, please. to you and your's: please refrain from overbulbing.

What I love about putting Justin down for a nap

2007-02-03T11:00:00.000-08:00

getting a good, long cuddle from him
having a quiet, happy moment together
feeling the side of his forehead against my cheek... i love his warm, smooth skin
rocking him in the rocking chair, the same chair my mom used to rock me
hearing "smack smack" while he sucks his thumb
feeling the contentedness he feels as he holds his blankies close
watching him rotate his blankies around his hands
hearing him giggle as i lightly tickle his hands and feet
combing his soft hair between my fingers
singing his pre-bed song: "Jesus Loves Me" to him, which I need to hear as much as he
feeling him secure in my arms
Lord, help me to soak up these moments.

Why you shouldn't read my blog

2007-02-01T11:44:00.000-08:00

I'm the most unlikely blogger... so i think you should consider making better use of your time before stopping here.

I'm not well read. I was one of those English majors who read for an idea for the next paper due. I love to learn and think deeply, but I have a hard time making time to read.

I have 2 sons under 21 months old... I have serious baby brain. I often can't find the word i'm looking for.

I don't keep up with daily world events. I respect those who read the newspaper regularly, but i'm not one of them. I usually find out about the latest murder investigation, weather report, world event, or spinach recall from my mother.

Most of my reflections will occur from within the walls of our home. For some that will be thrilling as you, with me, or looking for meaning and wonder amidst the mundane of daily mothering... for others, you'll want more contemplation on what's happening in the world.

I'm not a very good listener. I mean well, but let's be honest, often when you are talking, i'm thinking of my next move. Sorry about that. Again, i'm working on that, but i'm definitely still a work in progress. I tend to think the most interesting people are great listeners... so you might want to be on your way.

Did i mention i have 2 sons under 21 months old? I already have so much on my plate! You may not hear from me for a while, or my posts might reflect some sleep deprivation or much needed editting that i don't have time (or don't wish to make time) to do!

So, read at your own risk... this may be more for me than for you.